Author Archives: stevenjohnno

An Aussie Abroad ( BC )

24 Saturday Mar 2018

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I know that what i am about to do is a bad idea,but i do it anyway.

A friend of mine suggested that we grab a slab of beer and then test drive one of those segway contraotions.

The beer part sounds good but the segway bit has my knees a knocking.

You see i have no balance at all and can barely walk in a straight line now i am supposed to ride a segway.

I broke my arm riding a skateboard when i was a kid so i am not exactly thrilled with my friends idea but for a few beers i am up for the challenge.

But i also think that i should ring 000 and tell them to have an ambulance on standby.

By the way my name is Shaun Browne and i am 32 years old australian with brown hair and a full beard.

I like to have a few drinks at the pub with my mates after work and tell the odd tall story or two.

But this is going beyond a joke how am i supposed to ride a segway and somehow stay alive?

My mate Stephen Johnson has been in my ear for weeks with this segway crap.

He knows that i like to have my feet planted firmly on the ground

But a person can only take so much so we shake hands and agree to meet in the woolies car park at 8 pm.

I get there early and sink a few more beers and smoke a tasty bud working up some courage.

Stephen arrives and suggests that we have a bet to mark the occasion and after a bit of arguing we agree that the whoever rides the segway the longest without falling off will be declared the winner.

While the loser will have to run naked around the car park.

And no one needs to see my wobbly bits so that gives me a big incentive to win this bet.

Stephen tosses a coin to see who will go first i call heads and tails it is so i am not off to a good start.

I say a silent prayer and mount the segway and power up.

At this time of night in bundy the car park is almost empty with only a few scragglers doing some last minute shopping.

I hit the gas and take off real slow Stephen yells out ‘Come on Shaun get your finger out are you a man or a fucking mouse?’

Well i give a squeak and stroke my whiskers as i turn around and give him the finger.

Which was a huge mistake because i lost my centre of gravity and almost fell off.

Then a trolley boy decides to push his load right in my path ‘Shit’ I power up to avoid him and thought i had avoided a collision but one of the wheels must have hit the front trolley and i am airborne

But after performing a 360 with a half pike i land with style.

Stephen is jumping up and down waving his arms around like a madman and i wave back in triumph and give him a bow.

Then i hear the trolley boy scream in terror ‘Hey mister watch out’ I turn but have no time to react before i get flattened and smashed by a truck leaving the supermarket.

My last thought on earth was whether i will wind up in heaven or down in hell and i am pretty sure that i will soon be shaking hands with the devil.

Next thing i know i am floating on a fluffy cloud heading toward the biggest pair of gates that i have ever seen.

Then a figure appears and introduces himself ‘Hello Shaun my name is Saint Peter and i am the man in charge up here in heaven.But at the moment we are full so you might have a bit of a wait’

I am amazed that i made it up here and look over to those huge pearly gates in wonder’That is OK  Saint Peter i am a patient man take your time i can wait for years and years’

Saint Peter points over to a bench just near the gates and tells me to take a seat and wait until my name is called.

So i stroll over and make myself comfortable and wait.

I find myself walking along gravel path that winds its way through a brooding dark forest.

I immediately think of little red riding hood and the wicked witch and when i come to a bend in the path i am half expecting the big bad wolf to be lurking there.

But all i see is a big sign saying ‘Welcome To The Garden Of Eden’.

I walk into the garden and am surrounded by a grove of apple trees and as i go to pick a piece a voice pipes up behind me ‘ I wouldn’t do that if i was you,that fruit is forbidden’

I turn around to see a completely naked man standing there and he is well hung like a cashew.

I know that i shouldn’t really say anything but i point at the offending member ‘That thing should be covered at all times,use a fig leaf or something’

‘Adam where are thee? A young lady walks up to us ‘Hello Eve give us a kiss’

As Adam and Eve stand there holding hands i can’t help himself and i give Eve the once over.

But then i remember my loving fiance Anastasia and quickly avert my gaze.

Soon Adam and Eve are horizontal and really going for it

I reach into my pocket for my mobile phone so that i can record the action but don’t get the chance because Adam has finished already.

A serpent hands Eve an apple and she takes a bite of the forbidden fruit and well you know the rest.

I leave Adam and Eve as they smoke a cigarette and share a block of cadburys.

I keep walking along the path wondering what will happen next  when my beard starts to itch and tingle.

I scratch and scratch and a shitload of hair falls to the ground and i watch in amazement as my hair follicles start to form words

Head in a westerly direction until you reach the base of mount sinai  a well known local is about to make a big annoucement’

Well i have nothing better to do at the minute so i get my bearings and head west.

As i walk my beard is still annoying me as it tingles full of static

I know one thing that it isn’t full of and that is food crumbs.I havent

eaten anything since starting since crazy adventure and i would do anything for a pie and sauce.

And i would kill for some chips with gravy and a couple of pints.

As i get closer to my destination my salivary glands are working overtime.

Hopefully there will be a food van in the car park.

A kebab a works burger maybe even a custard tart,i haven’t had one of those in years.

Even a fucking frozen sausage roll

Just give me some food.

But when i arrive at the base of the mountain there isn’t a food van in sight there isn’t even a car park. ‘Where do they park they park their chariots?’

I walk towards the summit where i come across an old man with crazy hair.

This must be Moses.

Hi Moses i am Shaun,so what is the big announcement? ‘Well my son i plan to climb to the top of this mountain and then i will part the red sea’

I have another look at Moses and he reminds me of Albert Einstein having another bad hair day ‘Ah no offence Moses but it looks to me that you having trouble parting your hair let alone trying to part a sea’

Moses doesn’t seem to be discouraged by my words and starts to climb towards the summit.

When we arrive Moses raises his arms to the sky and starts to yabber in one of those foreign languages latin or hebrew i think.

And to my amazement the red sea begins to part with waves 100 feet or more filling the landscape.

Rolling and tumbling they form the perfect tube.

‘Jesus Christ on a fucking stick look at the size of those waves’ I realise that what i said might not be appropriate in my present company ‘Sorry Moses just a slip of the tongue’

Hey Moses can you should come home with me and part my local break,it would be a huge hit with the nippers’

But Moses isn’t listening he is bending down searching for something in the grass and after a few seconds he lifts up two huge stone thingymebobs.

What you got there Moses? Well my son these two tablets are inscribed with the ten commandments’

‘Tablets? you say Moses what sort have you got?’

Just then my beard starts to tingle and itch real bad.

I scratch and scratch and i realise that i am over this travelling adventure stuff now all i want to do is go back to the pearly gates and wait my turn.

But i cant resist looking down to see what words are written in the sand ‘Look for a cave just east of Jerusalem there you will meet your maker.Find the cave and you will be a chosen one’

I sigh as i read the words and my stomach reminds me that is it empty.

OK one last trip then i am out of here.

So i head off toward Jerusalem  with my stomach still screaming and after a couple of hours i am at my wits end.

Then from the corner of my eye i sense some movement and as i look over i see a huge boulder being pushed aside.

And a robed figure steps out from the opening of a cave.

Congratulations Shaun you are you only person to witness my resurrection please come to me my son’

I look at the somewhat familiar figure and i know that i have seen this bloke before and then it dawns on me ‘Jesus Jesus is that really you?

‘Yes Shaun i am Jesus of Nazareth the son of God the creator of all beings’

‘Jesus Jesus i cant believe that i am actually talking to you but can i ask you for a big favour?’

‘Maybe you can perform one of your miracles and whip up some tucker because you see Jesus i haven’t eaten in such a long time’

‘What would you like my son? My speciality is forty loaves and forty fish plus i also can turn water into wine’

‘Jesus Jesus there is no need to go to so much trouble just one loaf  and a snapper will surely hit the spot’

than Jesus surprises me when he replies in an aussie accent ‘No worries Shaun,i will prepare a meal of Barramundi and piping hot damper’

‘Cool Jesus you haven’t by any chance got a esky full of tooheys new nearby?’

‘Sorry my son i can turn water into wine but not into bottled beer’

No worries JC  just thought i would ask’

‘Jesus does his thing and before i know it i am chowing down on fresh damper and barra.

I dig in with enthusiasm and swallow every bite with zeal

‘Great meal Jesus you should open your own restaurant’

Jesus doesn’t reply he just bows his head in prayer and soon i am praying along with him.

Then i remember the voice telling me that if i found the cave i would become a chosen one.

I raise my head to see Jesus looking at me ‘Don’t worry my son i have some special plans for you.

My mind goes into free fall,what does Jesus mean?

I have met Saint Peter plus there is a Saint Paul a Saint Luke and plenty of other saints so why not a Saint Shaun?

‘Shaun Shaun Shaun wake up you have to go to work’

‘God what now i was just about to be canonised and was having a great time with Jesus.

I feel someone shaking me and i open my eyes to see Anna leaning over me ‘Shaun if you don’t get out of bed i will kick your arse all the way to Brisbane.

So it is no Saint Shaun for me but it is good to be home with the love of my life.

Thanks for taking the time to read one of my stories and i would appreciate it if you could make a donation so that i could realize my dream of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

THE END

A Tree And Me

03 Saturday Mar 2018

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The following is a story about a tree that has a lot more bite than bark.

I have just turned ten years of age and my life is about to change forever.

My parents have sold the our house in Glendale Los Angeles because we are all the way over to the west coast.

To a place called Providence Rhode Island.

I don’t like the idea of leaving all of my friends behind but what can i do? I am just a kid

A month later after a very long boring flight to the other side of the country we finally arrive at the airport.

Than a cab takes us to our new home in Providence

And as my father pays the cab fare i get my first look at my new house

It is a big two storey brick place with a good sized front yard

As i check out the house my eyes are drawn to a huge tree near the front porch

‘Nathaniel don’t just stand there gawking help your father with the bags’ That was my mom,Jean,and yes my name is Nathaniel and no you may not call me Nate’

I watch the taxi as it drives away and a part of me wants to chase it and go back to California but my mom grabs my hand and we walk towards the front door to start our new life.

But before we walk over the threshold my eyes once more look over to that big old tree.

There is something about that tree that i can’t put my finger on,it is just a tree but it makes me afraid very afraid.

But any thoughts about a creepy tree leave my mind when i walk inside my new house.

I run from from room to room like an excited puppy

Until dad tells me to go outside and wait for the removers to arrive.

Oh yeah,my dad’s name is Ben Seagar and he is the reason why we had to move east.

He taught english at a college back home but apparently he got an offer too good to refuse

So here we are in Providence Rhode Island.

As i sit on the front porch i get a feeling that i am being watched.

I take a quick look over my shoulder but there is nothing there but a branch from that tree.

I have another look and the branch is no longer there.

God my imagination is really going crazy and i tell myself to settle down and stop being stupid.

But than again that tree is over thirty metres from the house so how could a branch be so close to the house?

My mom calls out that it is time for lunch so i run back inside to grab a bite to eat

And just as we finish eating our ham and cheese sandwiches i hear the a truck driving up the driveway.

The removalist’s are here.

So we go inside and help the driver unload the truck but all i manage to do is to get in the way.

So once again i am banished to the front porch.

But i soon cheer up when i see my bed getting carried upstairs to my room at least i will be nice and comfortable tonight.

My happiness doesn’t last long because that branch begins to tap on the side of the porch.

I look at that creepy tree and the ends of the branch look a lot like human fingers.

‘Mom that tree is starting to gross me out i think it wants to eat me’

Don’t be silly Nathaniel it is just an old oak tree that was probably planted by the settlers two hundred years ago’

The following weeks fly by as i settle into my new school and i have made a few friends.

Life is good in Providence Rhode Island.

And that creepy old oak tree is almost forgotten.

Soon it is almost July when i will celebrate my 11 th birthday.

My parents tell me that they will be holding a party to mark the occasion and i can invite all my friends from school and dad will ask all our neighbours to come.

I said half jokingly’I don’t care who comes as long as they bring lots and lots of presents’

The big day arrives and mom is in the kitchen while dad is outside cleaning up the yard and he asks me to help him carry a table and some chairs under that old oak tree.

And for the first time in weeks i look at that old tree and my bone marrow freezes and my heart feels like it is going to explode ‘Dad i don’t feel so good,maybe we should cancel the party’

Dad laughs and ruffles my ruffles my hair’Don’t worry you are just nervous and as soon as your friends get here you will be as right as rain’

As usual dad is right because as soon as my friends Simon Brendan and Adam arrive we started to play and have a good time and soon all of my worries vanished  from my mind.

When it is time to eat everyone takes a seat and we all enjoy burgers and hotdogs that dd made on the BBQ.

My friends and i are wearing party hats and smiles ten miles wide and talking about baseball and all the pretty girls at school.

But i am also thinking about opening my presents and mom’s famous chocolate cake.

And sure enough the screen door slams open and mom is walking toward me carrying a huge birthday cake.

She puts it on the table lights 11 candles and tells me to make a wish.

So i close my eyes and silently wish for mom and dad to live forever and for peace on earth.

I know i should have stopped there but i have a few more wishes so i wish for lots and lots of money and good health.

But the one thing i wish the most is for that creepy old oak tree to just go away.

I want to open my presents but mom shoo’s me away so that she can clean up.

So my friends and i run around and play for an hour until we are dying of thirst.

But all we really want is more cake.

So we get some drinks from the cooler and more cake and sit around the table laughing and swearing like sailors.

Simon gets up to grab another slice of cake when he trips on a root and falls hard’Why you shit eating piece of pond scum trip me will you’ Simon yells at the tree but he is trying not to laugh.

We are also cracking up at Simon and his choice of language

Simon goes to give that tree a kick when his foot is grabbed by the root and held tight.

‘What the fuck’ Simon says as he struggles to free himself.I tell Brendan and Adam to go and get some help while i try to release Simon from the roots hold.

But as soon as i get close a root closes around my throat and starts to squeeze

Holy shit,i soon realise that i am in a lot of trouble and soon sink to my knees but then i remember the pocket knife in my jacket.

I pull it out and start to cut and hack at the root and just when i think that i am a gonna i somehow break free.

Simon is hysterical and screaming for help but than i hear a crack and look up to see a huge branch crashing down

I jump out of the way just in time but Simon isn’t so lucky and is crushed.

The adults come running outside but there is nothing that they can do.

911 is called and soon there are cops and paramedics everywhere

Mom guides me inside away from the grisly scene.

I am incoherent and can barely function.

A doctor examines me and soon i am given a sedative and drift away to sleep

When i wake mom tells me that the police are here and wants me to answer some questions about the accident.

I want to tell them that it wasn’t an accident and that my friend was murdered by the creepy tree.

But they would think that i was crazy and cart me away to the loony bin.

So i tell them that we were just playing when the branch came down and soon the police leave me alone with my feelings.

Mom soon comes to see if i am alright.

And i tell her that i am feeling better but that i have something very important to tell her.

So she sits on the edge of my bed and i start to talk’Mom it wasn’t an accident i saw the tree root reach out and grab Simon so he couldn’t get away’

The root also tried to kill me mom i am telling you it was murder’

I point out of my bedroom window where that old tree is looking all sweet and innocent’Please mom can we go back home to California?’

Mom gives me a kiss and wipes away my tears ‘Oh Nathaniel you are just distressed by your friend getting killed’

‘But i tell you what i will talk to your father about getting that tree cut down’

A few days later a truck pulls in next to the house and four men jump out.

Dad goes outside to greet them while i stay in my room and watch.

The workers remove axes chainsaws and some rope from the back of the truck and prepare to chop the killer tree down.

But first they stand around smoking and drinking coffee talking about god knows what.

They watch them jabbering for about five minutes until i cant stand it no more

I scream out my window’Hey assholes stop jerking around and get to work’

I look that tree right in the eye’Cut that fucker down and do it now’

The workers look up at me in surprise and stop there talking and get to work.

The chainsaws roar into live and one of the workers starts to cut but the machine gives out a screech and dies a death.

Hey Randy this tree is one tough mother i think it is time for the ‘beast’

The guy named Randy emerges from the truck holding what must be the biggest chainsaw in all of Rhode Island.

It is almost as big as the workers

Randy hands over the ‘beast’ and soon the sound of five Harley Davidsons fill the air.

I cover my ears as the ‘beast’ goes to work.

But soon i hear a loud snap and through a shower of sparks i see that the chain has broken and over a hundred deadly links are flying towards the house.

‘NO’ I scream but i know that it is useless.

I turn away as i hear both of my parents being ripped to shreds.

I am currently a resident of an orphanage in upstate New York

It is called an orphanage but really it is a home for lost and broken souls

I am sedated most of the time so my mind cant go back to that horrible day when i lost my mom and dad.

But through the haze i still remember.

I was told by a kind nurse in one of my more lucid moments that my parents were buried together back home in California.

I am happy that they will be with each other for eternity.

Now that i am alone in the world with no one to love and no one to love me.

I come to a decision.

I ask the kind nurse if she could drive me to the house in Providence so i can get some closure.

But mainly i want to confront that tree.

As the nurse drives she tells me all about herself and how happy she is with her life.

I am happy for her but it is time for me to enter the next world.

When she drives up the driveway i am aware of the sense of danger in the air.

And there isn’t a sound even the birds and animals know to give this place a wide berth.

Than without a word i walk toward that creepy old oak tree.

The tree opens its branches and bends down to welcome me.

I take my final breath and walk to my death.

I am engulfed and gladly go to my demise.

Now i am where i want to be

Revenge will be mine.

Thanks for taking the time to read one of my stories and now if you could make a donation so that i can realize my dream of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

THE END

Whole Lot Of Trouble ( 2 )

16 Friday Feb 2018

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In part one I introduced you to a nine year old boy named Billy Faulkner who coming home from school one day came across an abandoned kitten.

He immediately fell in love with that ball of fluff and took it home.

But Billy soon found out that looking after a kitten isn’t easy.

First the kitten was sick all over Billy’s bed sheets so Billy waited until his mother had gone to bed.

Then he took the sheets into the laundry and put them into the washing machine where the kitten bumped a one pound box of soap into the washer.

And in the morning Billy was confronted by an angry mother and a house full of suds.

He couldn’t see his mom but he sure could hear her ‘What have you done this time mister you are grounded for a month,now go back into your room and think about what you have done while I clean up this mess’

The kitten follows Billy oblivious to the trouble that  he has caused and with a meow he knows that there is more trouble to come.

He has only just started.

Part Two

It is the first of December and Billy is helping his mom put up the Christmas tree.

While they erect the tree branch by branch bauble by bauble trouble the kitten watches proceedings from a safe distance.

Once all of the decorations are carefully arranged and about a thousand lights are draped from every branch of the tree.

Billy’s mom plugs in the lights and turns them on.

Well the kitten goes completely ballistic running around the room like a headless chicken until it finally takes off down to the safety of the basement.

Billy and his mom are in stitches as they watch the kitten disappear.

But they soon recover and settle down to watch some TV while stealing glances at the shiny big tree.

A while later trouble builds up the nerve to enter the living room where it sits on the floor next to Billy looking at the alien in the room with a mixture of fear and complete bafflement.

He sits there for over twenty minutes waiting for the right time to spring an attack.

Then he gets up onto his haunches and springs into action.

He lands halfway up the tree where he soon finds out that he has bitten more than he can chew.

Trouble scrambles to the top of the tree and hangs on for grim death.

He wriggles his tail around trying to get a better hold where it becomes tangles around a dozen or more Christmas lights.

Trouble starts to panic and he bites at the cable holding the lights.

Well a shower of sparks fill the room and all the lights go out and Billy and his mom watch in amazement as a little furry comet flies across the room.

A week later after a visit to the vet Trouble is given the all clear and Billy takes the kitten back home.

He looks at the singed and sad kitten’Dont worry Trouble the vet said that your fur will grow back in a month or so’

‘Hey maybe I should have called you Smokey?’ Billy laugh’s until it hurts.

Trouble the kitten doesn’t see the funny side and with as much dignity as he can muster slowly leaves the room.

Trouble quickly recovers from his injuries and once more he is doing what cats do.

That is getting into trouble and hunting for it’s prey.

First he wanders down to his favourite room in the house the basement.

Here he has lots of room to run around plus the room is also full of mice.

And over the next three hours he catches about mice.

Where one by one he carries those rodents up to his masters mothers room.

And with great dexterity he arranges his kill around her pillow.

At 4 06 exactly the whole neighbourhood wakes to an almighty screech.

Is someone being attacked?

Have the little green men from Mars finally attacked?

Billy wakes with fright but soon realises that the sound is coming from his mom’s room so he jumps out of bed and races to the scene of the crime.

God it sounds like ma is giving birth to a baby hippo’

Billy runs into his moms room to find a shit load of mice scattered around the room

And a proud kitten standing in the corner.

‘Billy that cat has got to go it almost give me a heart attack,that cat is nothing but trouble’

But mom he is only showing you how much he likes you’

‘The mice were a present’

Sorry Billy but first thing in the morning that kitten is going to the pound’

‘You can get another pet.how about a goldfish or a hampster or maybe one of those nice pet rocks?’

But mommy I want to keep my kitty,please please one last chance?’

Sorry Billy but my nerves can only take so much”

Billy picks up his kitten and runs back to his room in distress.

He knows all about the pound Trouble will go there and after a while he will get the needle.

Go to sleep and never wake up.

Billy will never let that happen so he paces around his room trying to think of a way to convince his mom to let him keep Trouble.

And soon a cunning plan enters his brain.

He picks up Troubles food and water bowls opens his bedroom door to check that the coast is clear.

Then he creeps down to the basement with Trouble hot on his heels.

He sits on the floor cradling his kitten in his lap ‘OK Trouble you will have to stay down here for a while until mom comes around’

Trouble senses his masters sorrow and meows in sadness and after a few minutes Billy hugs his kitten and tells him to lay low and stay out of trouble

Then he goes  back to his bedroom and opens the window.

In the morning  Billy enters the kitchen where his mom is preparing breakfast.

Mom Trouble escaped last night I think he must of jumped out my window and run off into the fields’

Billy looks all sad and he even manages a tear or two.

His mom gives him a skepical look but soon realises that her son is crying ‘Oh Billy it is for the best,Trouble will be wild and free and who knows maybe he will find his family”

Billy nods and produces a few more crocodile tears.

Over the following days and weeks Billy plays with Trouble when his mom is out shopping or at work.

But that all changed on the night of 2nd February.

It started out as any other day Billy had come home from school he had a snack then went down to the basement to visit Trouble.

A couple of hours later his mom came home from work carrying a huge bucket of KFC.

Billy and his mom sit on the couch with the bucket of chicken between them as they watch the Simpsons on the tube.

Billys mom has had nothing to eat all day and she is swallowing way too fast and soon a bone gets lodged in her throat.

Meanwhile down in the basement Trouble is half asleep waiting for his master to bring him some food.

When the smell of fried chicken hits his nostrils.

Up on the family room Billy is running around not knowing what to do.

His moms face has gone from red to a nasty shade of purple.

The situation is getting deadly serious.

Billy calls 911 on his cell phone hoping that they get here real quick.

Trouble is halfway up the stairs when he hears his masters cries for help.

So he takes off like a cheetah chasing down a gazelle.

And right away he notices the female in distress.

Luckily for Billy Trouble knows exactly what to do.

He climbs up the curtain onto a bookcase and without a moments hesitation launches himself into thin air.

Billy is still talking to 911 when he looks up to see trouble flying through the air.

Trouble the first cat in space.

Billys mom is in a really bad way almost at heavens door when Trouble lands on her chest with a thud.

The chicken bone is dislodged from her airways and ricochets around the room

The paramedics soon arrive and after and Billy’s mom is given the all clear.

Billy gives his mom a big hug and welcomes her back to the land of the living.

Then they both look over to Trouble the hero and saviour.

But Trouble is oblivious to all the attention.

He is way to busy chewing on that pesky chicken bone.

And I get the feeling that he is here to stay.

He isn’t going anywhere.

THE END

Thanks for taking the time to read one of my stories now could you please make a donation to go towards me realizing of dream of becoming a fulltime writer. Thank again Steven.

Albuquerque Turkey

13 Saturday Jan 2018

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Over in Albuquerque new mexico there is tension in the air.

People walk the streets in trepidation because they sense that something is going down.

Nobody knows who how or why.

But there is one thing for certain feathers are about to fly.

 

If you travel south from Albuquerque the suburbs gradually give way to agriculture and you will arrive at a small town named los lunas.

The area is dotted with apple groves and peach orchards but los lunas is mainly known for its turkey farms and processing plants.

Where they process over 500,000 birds everyday.

But for the people in and around Albuquerque there will soon be hell to pay

 

gobble gobble gobble

 

In an isolated turkey farm a female bird is sitting near the perimeter fence crying and shaking in distress.

All of her friends have disappeared one by one and she hasn’t got a clue where they have gone or why they haven’t come back.

Then she hears a scratching sound from the woodland near a dusty trail.

She looks up as a male turkey steps into view and he is looking in her direction.

He wanders over for a gander and to see what all the crying is about.

The female is sitting all lonely weeping and sobbing in the dirt.

While the male walks a little closer and by the way his name is Bert.

 

gobble gobble gobble

 

The female who is named Hilda is shy at first but she soon opens up and tells the male turkey about her friends who have vanished.

She tells him how her friends were all loaded onto trucks and driven away to god knows where.

As the female turkey continues to talk( they tend to do this a lot) Bert gets a funny feeling beneath his skin.

And it isn’t from the stuffing or constant basting.

He needs to get to the bottom of this right now and time is wasting.

 

Bert knows that the trucks hold the answer to the vanishing turkeys.

Maybe the turkeys have just gone on a day trip or are visiting relatives in California?

But than again why don’t they ever come back?

He reaches out a wing towards the fence to pat Hilda goodbye when he blown back twenty foot.

He tumbles head over parsons nose and lands with a heavy thud.

Hilda calls out ‘Sorry I forgot to tell you that the fence is electrified.’ Bert cant answer because he has been roasted baked and totally fucking fried.

 

gobble gobble gobble

 

But Bert is made from giblets of steel so he just shakes his drumsticks and slowly gets to his feet.

His wattle and snood turn red in anger and defiance and smoke appears from beneath his tail feathers.

With a wave to Hilda he waddles off towards his home in Arizona and as he walks he keeps an eye out for a wily coyote.

When he gets home he will report back to his boss colonel guajolote.

 

Colonel guajolote is the biggest meanest turkey in the while mid west.

He stands four foot tall with a body scarred from many fights and battles.

The colonel also sports a patch over his left eye from sticking his nose in where it doesn’t belong.

At the moment he is annoyed after been awoken from his midday slumber but he listens intently as Bert his messenger tells him about the goings on over in Albuquerque.

His snood has turned deep purple and his wattle bobbles around performing a little war dance.

He silences Bert with a deadly stare as he gazes in the direction of new mexico.

His enemies will never forget the destruction that he is about to bring.

The fight hasn’t started yet but the bell is about to ring.

 

gobble gobble gobble

 

Early the next morning a band of wild turkeys march off in formation towards the battlefields over near Albuquerque.

They know that they are marching into battle but they are all seasoned veterans.

So the turkeys all moved forward with their chests puffed out and with feathers freshly preened.

The turkeys stick to the back roads and forest tracks as they head west.

These birds aren’t over stuffed or under baked they are the best of the best.

 

When they reach the farm two days later Bert warns colonel guajolote and the other turkeys about the electrified fence.

Their feathers stand on end as static fills the air and they stand at attention waiting for further orders.

Colonel guajolote realises that they can’t go through or under the fence so he will have to come up with a different plan of attack.

Because not only is the colonel big and mean and mighty unclean but he is also the most battle savvy bird in the flock.

To colonel guajolote there is no such thing as a roadblock.

 

gobble gobble gobble

 

The thirty odd turkeys hide in the underbrush as they watch the farm with binoculars.

Every now and then a truck will pull in and leave with a full load of healthy looking birds

Where do they go ?And why don’t they ever return?

Colonel guajolote shakes his head in frustration as he watches the truck drive away.

He is getting too old for this shit all he ever wanted was a loving wife and a field full of corn.

But here he is running around like Jason freaking Bourne.

 

He mightn’t be Jason Bourne but he is still one mean mother plucker.

And he wont rest until he finds the missing turkeys so he tells his warrior turkeys to keep watching the farm.

While he takes a ride on one of the trucks to see where they go to

So when the next truck starts to pull out he jumps up and hitches a ride.

 

When he looks at the turkeys on the truck he notices that they aren’t happy at all.

They are crammed into crates where they cant move eat or drink.

The colonels blood begins to boil as he looks at his fellow turkeys looking all sad and forlorn.

Then the air brakes sound the truck has reached its destination.

The colonels heart burns in his chest with a sinking sensation.

 

gobble gobble gobble

 

Straightaway he smells the stench of blood shit and death and he hangs his head in distress

He now knows why none of the turkeys ever return home.

Soon the crates of turkeys are unloaded by a forklift and disappear inside the factory.

The colonel takes a deep breath as he waddles toward the front door.

The turkeys pain and suffering digs deep in his craw.

 

When he opens the door he has a quick look around then puts on a white coat and a hair net and makes his way over to reception.

The receptionist looks up to see the ugliest man she has ever seen approach the counter.

Hello my name is Gilbert Guajolote from the Albuquerque  Health Board and I am here to inspect the facilities.’

The receptionist checks the appointments for the day”I am sorry but there is nothing here about any inspection today’

The colonel stands up straight and leans over the counter ‘Of course there isn’t so please go and inform the manager that I am here and make it snappy’

The receptionist smiles but she isn’t very happy.

 

gobble gobble gobble

 

A harried looking man soon arrives and is taken aback by the appearance of the inspector,surely he is the ugliest man on the planet.

‘Sorry for the delay my name is Harry Bastingwand please follow me’

Colonel guajolote breathes deep and steps over the threshold.

But the sight before him soon stops him in his tracks.

Hundreds and hundreds of dead featherless turkeys swing above the production line.

The colonel soon recovers and faces his fallen comrades with a quivering beak.

He raises a wing in a heartfelt salute turns on his heels and gets the fuck out of that murderous place.

Tome would surely stop if it saw the look on his face.

 

Once outside the colonel looks up to the heavens and screams a mighty war cry.

It echoes up and down the hills and valleys in new mexico Arizona and some say it was heard in Nevada and down to texas.

All of the wild turkeys in those states look to the sky and listen to the call to arms from the head of all turkeys.

A cry for freedom from down near Albuquerque.

 

gobble gobble gobble

 

Colonel guajolote is in a rage as he continues to scream for help.

But he is afraid that his cries might not be heard by all of his allies so he climbs to the summit of the sandia peak tramway and builds himself a huge funeral pyre.

He covers himself in warpaint and dances around the fire until it dies down to embers.

Then he slowly flaps his wings amongst the wisps of smoke.

He flaps and sways until the tendrils of smoke start to form words.

The words are seen by the all of the turkeys in the united states.

Hopefully the turkeys will spring into action before it is too late.

 

Along the width and breadth of north America the words of smoke are seen by over 50 million wild turkeys.

Who soon form themselves into armies of birds,they storm turkey farms and processing plants and set free their captive friends.

 

gobble gobble gobble

 

On the streets of America there is complete and utter chaos

It is almost thanksgiving and all of the TV networks are reporting a shortage this year in fact there are none to be had.

Supermarkets and convenience stores are bombarded by customers trying to keep the tradition alive.

They want turkey and they want it now but all stores have no turkeys this season.

All of the turkeys have escaped and are hiding in the undergrowth away from their tormentors and foes.

 

Colonel guajolote is one satisfied turkey.

He is now old and is enjoying his retirement.

His grandchildren keep him busy but he wouldn’t want it any other way.

He is proud of his achievements  and on thanksgiving every year he raises a glass to all of  the fallen turkeys.

All is well down near Albuquerque.

 

gobble gobble gobble

Thanks for taking the time to read one of my stories and if you have the means could you please make a donation so i can realize my dream of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

Whole Lot Of Trouble

16 Saturday Dec 2017

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This is a story about a mischievous Kitten who is more than a handful.

 

It is just before midnight and under an old abandoned house a mother cat is about to give birth.

She has built a sheltered area behind a rusty hot water tank the perfect place to deliver her kittens.

 

This is her fifth litter and she is struggling to breathe,her heart is racing and her blood pressure is rising.

If she doesn’t give birth soon she might not survive the ordeal.

In desperation she gives a massive push and delivers nine healthy kittens.

 

But a tiny male kitten is just hanging on to life.

He is the runt of the litter and soon he is pushed aside by his brothers and sisters so he isn’t getting the nourishment he needs.

And when he finally latches onto a teat all he gets is a few lousy drops.

 

He falls asleep not knowing that he  is in mortal danger.

If he doesn’t get a decent suckle soon he wont survive more than a day or two.

But he sleeps his little tail wags as he dreams that he is the biggest baddest cat in the neighbourhood.

The meanest tom in town.

 

When he wakes he fights his siblings in a final effort to suckle his mothers milk and he is the first kitten that morning to latch onto a teat.

And over the following days and weeks his strength and stamina improve he is no longer the runt of the litter.

In fact he has become downright bossy and demanding constantly fighting for milk and attention.

 

The mother cat has noticed the kitten fighting and not wanting to get along with her other kittens.

She puts up with it until the bossy kitten has put on weight and is ready to face the world and regretfully she has come to a decision.

She picks up the kitten by the scruff of the neck and carries him outside and puts him down by the back fence.

Then she licks him goodbye and trots back to her other kittens.

 

The kitten watches as his mother until she is no longer in view.

Now for the first time in his short life he is completely alone in the big bad world.

He curls up into a little ball to make himself invisible to predators and cries and whines in his loneliness.

 

Nine year old Billy Faulkner is on his way home from school when he hears a strange noise coming from the long grass nearby.

He has a look and discovers a little kitten looking sad and forlorn crying for it’s mother.

Without a second thought he picks up the furball and puts it in his backpack and walks home.

Hopefully his mommy will let him keep the kitten.

 

Arriving home Billy says hello to his mommy who is in the kitchen preparing his favourite snack chocolate chip cookies and a big glass of milk.

Billy normally would talk to his mommy about his day at school but today is different.

So he tells his mommy he has a lot of homework to do so he takes his snack and backpack into his room.

 

In his room Billy feeds the kitten crumbs of cookies and lets it slurp milk straight from the glass.

Than for twenty minutes or so Billy and his new kitten pay and tumble around on his bed.

But because the kitten hasn’t been weaned yet he cant digest the cookies properly and soon smelly stuff is coming out of both ends.

 

Billy starts to cry because his mommy will surely give him a spanking when she finds the dirty sheets and wont let him keep his kitten.

So he keeps quite at dinner and pretends that all is well as he chats about school and the new friends that he has made.

But he doesn’t mention the kitten now isn’t the right time he will tell her first thing in the morning.

 

After watching television for a few hours together Billy’s mom kiss’es him goodnight and tells him that it is time for bed.

Billy says ‘goodnight mommy’ and goes to his bedroom where he waits for an hour to make sure that his mommy is asleep.

Than he drags the dirty sheets into the laundry.

 

Billy has never used the washing machine before ,but how hard can it be?

He picks up the box of detergent wondering how many scoops to add when the kitten jumps onto the machine.

‘No kitty get down you have caused enough trouble already’ but the kitten is in a playful mood and nudges the box of soap.’No kitty no’ but Billy cant stop what happens next he can only watch as the contents of the box fall into the washing machine.

‘Oh well’ Billy thinks,at least the sheets will be nice and clean.

 

Billy and the kitten go back into his room waiting for the machine to complete it’s cycle.

They play for a while until Billy starts to yawn and the kitten follows suite and falls asleep.

Billy reads a comic book as the kitten sleeps on his chest ‘Jesus how long does it take for a wash to finish?One more chapter and i will go check’

 

But Billy doesn’t get to the end of the chapter he falls asleep and he and the kitten are soon snoring in unison.

With both of them dreaming pleasant thoughts.

 

Billy is awoken in the morning by an almighty shriek.

He sits up in his bed ‘God it sounds like mommy is having a cow.’

‘Maybe she has seen a mouse or a spider’ But when he enters the hallway he is confronted by a wall of suds.’Holy shit what have i done?

Through the bubbles he can see mommy slipping and sliding down the floorboards.

He tries not to smile but he can’t help himself.,but the smile soon vanishes’Billy what in the fuck have you done?’

 

Billy can’t believe what he is hearing his mommy has never said the F word before’OK mister start talking and make it quick’

Billy tries to get the words out but they are stuck in his throat so he takes a deep breath and starts again’Sorry mommy but i found a little kitten yesterday so i brought him home to look after it.but i fed it too many cookies and it spewed all over my sheets’

‘So i put the sheets in the washing machine but i must of used too much detergent’

He smiles like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth hoping that mommy will see the funny side.

 

But before his mommy can say a word the kitten in question strolls into the room like it owns the place.

Purring and meowing for attention.

Billy bends down and picks up his new best fiend knowing that he is still in trouble.

‘Please mommy can i keep him?He want get in the way,please can he stay?’

 

When she see’s that her son is on the verge of tears her heart softens ‘Alright Billy the kitten can stay,but you will have to look after it and keep it out of my way’

So mother and son go shopping for everything that a kitten would need.

Cat food,flea collar,food and water bowls and a litter tray.

 

But right a way there is trouble.

The kitten refuses to use the litter tray,instead it chooses to leave little piles all over the house.

It scratches the stuffing out of all of the furniture and sheds hair everywhere.

 

Billy is continually running behind the kitten picking up all of the little parcels.

But he is losing the battle and soon the house smells like a cats toilet.

‘God who knew that owning a kitten would be so much trouble?’

 

That night Billy forgot to close his bedroom door and the kitten takes the opportunity to go for a midnight stroll.

He wanders up the stairs and straight into Billy’s mommy’s room.

The smell of female hormones and the comforting beat of a heart has caught his attention.

So he jumps up and snuggles on those twin peaks.

 

Then he changes position until he is sitting on her face.

And soon she wakes up struggling to breathe,she is being smothered to death by something warm and furry.

She takes a hold of the obstruction and throws it across the room where the kitten lands and takes off like a bat out of hell.

 

Billy’s mom opens her eyes in time to see the kitten race out of her room.

She smiles to herself but at the same time she knows that this kitten is going to be a whole lot of trouble.

 

Part two of this story is coming soon so come back and feed your need to read.

Thanks for taking the time to read one of my stories now if you have the means could you please make a donation so i can realize my dream of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

Hell Dorado ( Part Two )

02 Saturday Dec 2017

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In part one of this story I introduced you to Daniel Carruthers a mild mannered archivist who has worked at the national library in London for over twenty years.

But Daniel was bored out of his mind there must be more to life than working as a civil servant.

He needed something to spice up his life.

And as luck would have it one day as he was sorting through a box of old books and letters.

He came across a journal that belonged to the famous explorer Sir Walter Raleigh.

As Daniel read the journal the came across that chapter that mentions el dorado and a map of it’s possible location.

Already the lust for gold has infected Daniel’s brain.

He quit his job and flew to Colombia where he met a local named Miquel who became his business partner.

Together they led an expedition of a dozen guides on the quest for el dorado where they travelled through the jungle looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

After two weeks of searching and finding nothing the group camp on the edge of a raging river to contemplate their next move.

The guides threaten to turn back if they aren’t paid immediately and soon an argument brakes out and Miquel is shot and killed.

Daniel and one of the Guido wrestle over the journal and fall into the swirling water below.

Taking the journal with them.

Part Two.

When Daniel and Guido hit the water they are immediately swept downstream where they tumble around like ragdolls scraping their bodies on some sharp rocks.

They both shoot to the surface bloodied and bruised but still alive Daniel is clutching the journal to his chest.

And miraculously it is still bone dry.

The remaining guides follow the two downstream in a couple of rusty old land rovers than one of them points ahead to a massive waterfall.

If they can get to the bottom of the falls before the two doomed men then they can get their hands on the journal and become rich beyond their wildest dreams.

Daniel and Guido are both struggling to stay alive when they both go over the edge to an almost certain death.

Beneath the falls the guides watch as Daniel and Guido go over the edge it is fifty metres down to a lagoon below.

There is no way that anyone could survive that fall.

As he goes to his death Daniel knows that he was a fool to travel halfway across the world seeking his fortune in gold.

El dorado has become hell dorado.

He closes his eyes says goodbye to his family and friends and waits for the inevitable.

All the way down he clutches the journal that has brought him nothing but pain and sorrow.

He wants to throw the journal into the water but for some reason he just can’t let go.

Than a hand grabs hold of Daniel’s left ankle and he and Guido are pulled into the waterfall.

On the shoreline the guides watch in disbelief as the two men disappear from view.

One second they were falling to their death than they just vanish into thin air.

They wait for an hour and still no bodies appear so they decide to hang around until they can get their hands on the journal.

When Daniel comes to his senses he realises that it wasn’t a hand  that saved him and Guido from a certain death it was a tentacle.

And that tentacle is attached to a giant octopus.

The octopus is at least thirty feet in length with tentacles the same length again and it holds Daniel and Guido in a death grip.

Guido is slowly losing his mind as the octopus squeezes even harder ‘Listen here you motherfucker if you don’t put me down right now I will turn you into a big pile of calamari and shit you out tomorrow’

The octopus swings Guido down and holds him under you water to knock the fight out of him.

Than the octopus brings the tentacle holding a stunned Guido to its beak and Guido is eaten alive.

Daniel is shaking with fright as he hears Guido’s bones snap as he becomes a part of the food chain.

The octopus swings Daniel towards it’s mouth and Daniel knows that there is no escape this time,he is about to become dessert and there is nothing he can do about it.

But than the octopus brings Daniel up to eye level where they stare at each other.

Daniel looks deep into the big black orb and prays for a quick death an end to this foolish adventure.

But the octopus has other ideas because he lowers Daniel to the ground and disappears beneath the murky depths.

Daniel can’t believe his luck as he watches the beast dive to digest his meal

He turns away and for the for time he has a chance to take in his surroundings and he can’t quite believe what he is seeing.

The sky is crimson and the trees are a vivid orange and overhead shines a huge blue moon

He looks at the journal to get his bearings and slowly makes his way toward a distant snow capped mountain’

Hopefully he will find the famous lake guatavita and discover the gold f el dorado.

As Daniel walks he studies the journal and he even starts to whistle he has a good feeling about this place.

Than from behind him he hears the sound of approaching hooves.And when he looks back he is astonished to see a white unicorn trotting toward him.

When the unicorn gets level with Daniel it stops and squats to the ground.’Are you going to stand there gawking or are you going to jump aboard so we can be on our way?’

Daniel mounts the talking unicorn and commands’Take me to el dorado’

The unicorn winks at Daniel and trots off toward the distant mountain.

Daniel hangs on to the unicorn’s mane as it gallops along a rocky path and than without even a ‘hang on’ the unicorn unfolds its wings and takes to the sky.

Daniel says a few words that his mother wouldn’t like and hangs on for grim death as the unicorn weaves  between the clouds on the way to el dorado.

After a few hours the pair reach the mountain and the unicorn flies lower and lower trying to find a good place to land.

Than a lake comes into view and the unicorn glides down and performs a perfect landing on the shoreline.

Daniel dismounts glad to be back on terra firma again.

Meanwhile the unicorn has wandered off to eat some orange leaves and pink grass.

Than it lifts its tail and deposits a pile of golden manure on the ground.

‘Holy crap’Daniel can’t believe his eyes as he stares down at the golden mound.

There is gold everywhere.

Daniel sits on he edge of the lake dangling his feet in the cold water when a figure appears in the middle of the lake guatavita.

Daniel stares in wonder at the man and righty assumes that this is non other than the legendary King El Rey Dorado.

The king stands seven feet tall and his body is covered in gold dust while his head is adorned with peacock feathers.

King El Rey Dorado raises both arms in the air and prays to the heavens than he reaches into a pouch on his waist and throws nuggets of gold into the lake to appease the gods.

And to bring good fortune to his people.

The king calls out to the unicorn who trots over to his master and after getting reacquainted

The king climbs onto the unicorn and the pair soon disappear around a bend.

Not once had the king even acknowledged Daniel’s presence.

When he is alone Daniel runs around like a madman scooping up as many nuggets as he can.

He fills all of his pockets and a backpack with the ill gotten gains and struggles to stay upright.

Now that he has proof of el dorado’s existence he will be able to convince the guides to come back and help him plunder the land until there is nothing left but dirt and dust.

Than it finally dawns on Daniel that he is lost and alone in a strange land but he is now very very rich what can be better than that?

He looks around at the magnificent lake and mountain than he sets course back toward the waterfall.

But he struggles under the weight of the gold.

He is having a rest on the side of the road when a dodo bird walks up to him ‘Need a ride?

Nothing about this land surprises Daniel anymore so he climbs onto the back of the dodo and tells it to head to the waterfall ‘Fly as fast as you can’

The dodo look back at Daniel with disdain ‘I am a dodo bird I do not fly but I can walk at a brisk pace’

Daniel nods his head and the dodo walks off toward the waterfall.

But it soon starts to tire.

‘You are too heavy please lose the excess weight  or I will have to leave you here’

Daniel isn’t about to leave any gold behind so he dismounts the dodo who quickly waddles away.

Daniel is now stranded many miles and hours of travel time from the waterfall and there is no way he can walk that far carrying all the gold.

He doesn’t want to jettison any gold but now he mightn’t have any choice.

Than he remembers the journal in his backpack he pulls it out hoping against hope that the journal will somehow come to the rescue.

He lays the journal on the ground and opens it to a page where a crude map has been drawn by Sir Walter Raleigh.

As Daniel looks at the map it stirs and comes to life he watches as the river starts to run the mist shrouds the mountain and in the corner of the map way in the distance comes the sound of the waterfall.

Than the journal opens up and spreads out in the shape of a magic carpet than it hovers up to level with Daniels knees.

‘Well fuck me sideways Daniel whispers in awe ‘A freaking magic carpet’ He crawls into the middle of the journal.

And without a sound it glides toward the distant waterfall and home.

As the magic carpet makes toward freedom Daniel laughs with glee and waves his arms around in the breeze.

He is feeling a lot like Ali Baba but without the turban and the forty thieves.

And that gets Daniel thinking and he decides that he want return to plunder this beautiful land he will leave el dorado in peace.

As Daniel was daydreaming he has failed to notice that the magic carpet is closing in fast on the waterfall. Too fast in fact.

Daniel screams a warning to the journal but it takes no notice as it races full steam ahead.

But at least the octopus is nowhere in sight.

But Daniel has spoken to soon because just than the octopus rears its ugly head.

Daniel know if the octopus will be in a forgiving mood this time so he screams at the journal to give it all it has and the journal wraps itself around Daniel and takes off faster than a speeding bullet.

The journal with Daniel wraps all snug inside enters the beak of the octopus through the stomach past the bowel and intestines.

Then it explodes out of the bung hole like a runaway torpedo.

The journal crashes through the waterfall and lands with a splash in the lagoon on the other side.

Then the journal unfolds again and it floats to where the guides have been patiently waiting.

‘Well well well what do we have here one of the guides says as he pulls Daniel to his feet.

Then he notices the bulge in Daniel pockets ‘What’s in your pockets asshole?’

Daniel hangs his head he knows he cant beat all of the guides so he empties his pockets and one hundred gold nuggets tumble to the ground.

Except there isn’t any nuggets at Daniel’s feet all there are is one hundred pieces of coal.

Daniel laughs out loud’Oh well easy come easy go’

‘Sorry fellas but there is no el dorado the journal was a fake there is no gold it was a fools errand’

The guides are dumbstruck and offer no reply.

Daniel walks toward the land rovers but looks back just in time to see the journal floating back underneath the waterfall.

El dorado is safe.

For now.

THE END

Thanks for taking the time to read one of my stories now if you have the means could you please make a donation so that i can reach my goal of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

Bi-polar (polar)

28 Saturday Oct 2017

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Up in the arctic circle the polar bear is in a whole lot of trouble.

Winters are getting shorter and the temperature is rising.

And the pack ice is melting at an alarming rate.

And pack ice is essential if the polar is to hunt and survive.

If the polar bear can’t hunt and feed than that would be be end of the polar bear.

Do we really want to live in a world with no polar bear?

Well that is a real possibility if we don’t stop global warming right now.

But global warming isn’t the only threat facing the arctic circle right now

A rogue male polar bear named Frank is causing havoc with the animal population.

Word is spreading fast about this bear of many moods.

They call him cranky franky frank the tank and other names i can’t mention here.

And quite frankly the other animals have had enough.

At the moment Frank is feeling a little bit down.

In fact he is at the depth of despair.

You see Frank Frank is manic depressive or bi-polar as it is called these days.

He has found refuge in an old abandoned innuit igloo on the edge of the feeding

grounds.

Frank hasn’t eaten in days because he can’t work up the energy to get out of bed

All because of a short circuit deep inside his brain.

Frank was the biggest polar bear in the area and could have had the pick of any female that he wanted.

If only the had the energy to venture outside.

Frank has no idea that his fat reserves are at a dangerously low level.

And if he doesn’t eat soon he will starve to death.

He has a look at the sleet falling outside rolls over and is soon fast asleep.

In the morning Frank feels like he could fly.

He jumps out of bed combs his fur sprays deodorant under his paw pits has a look in the mirror and goes outside.

He is ready for some serious polar bear action.

A female polar bear notices Frank standing outside his igloo looking skinny and desperate.

Like a boxer that has fought ten rounds and is slowly losing the fight.

The female has heard all about Frank and his moods so she gathers up her cubs heads to the hills.

Well there aren’t any hills in the arctic circle but she heads toward them anyway.

Because who knows what mood Frank is in today.

Frank cant help but notice the startled look on the females face.

Surely his moods haven’t been that bad?

But deep down Frank knows that lately he hasn’t been a very nice bear.

It is like living on the string of a yoyo up and down up and down.

Frank is getting dizzy because his moods are swinging so fast.

And he can’t control them.

A couple of days later Frank is moping about his igloo when an inner voice tells him that he really needs to eat.

So Frank works up the courage puts a smile on his face and goes outside to hunt.

And he is in luck.

Close to his igloo over a hundred walrus are relaxing on the ice digesting their lunch of fish and squid.

Frank sneaks up behind the walrus like a cat stalking a mouse.

But because he is way out of practise Frank bumbles and stumbles and the walrus

slip into the water turn around and flip Frank the bird.

Frank is ashamed of himself.

He is a polar bear so why can’t he behave like one?

Up here he is supposed to be on top of the food chain but at the moment he would struggle yo catch a cold.

Frank wanders back home with his tail between his legs.

Another day has gone by without him consuming any food.

This can’t go on much longer.

Frank is semi conscious in his igloo oblivious to a blizzard raging outside.

The wind is whipping up all sorts of muck and trouble

It also stirs up a patch of lichen and carries it off into the night.

And as luck would have it the lichen is blown straight into Franks igloo.

And a few pieces land on Franks tongue.

Frank coughs and splutters and swallows the lichen down.

Through out the night as Franks body digests the lichen his hormones regulate and go back on an even keel.

And in the morning Frank wakes up feeling refreshed having slept like a new born cub.

Frank is now back to his normal self.

The female bears are keeping him company once again.

And he is catching enough seals and walrus to feed the whole group.

Plus everyday he walks to a lichen patch to get his daily medication.

All is good in the world.

Frank the polar bear is controlling his mood swings completely unaware that his species

is under threat of extinction.

His enviroment is shrinking at an alarming rate.

All because of the activities of another species.

Homo sapians.

But knowing people like i do.

Nothing will get done until it is way too late.

Politicans will talk and talk until they are blue in the face

It will take them years to come to a decision.

And as people talk global warming will continue to decimate species and the ice will continue to melt.

It is now time for action.

Because it we don;t it will not only mean the extinction of the polar bear but the beginning of the end of mankind.

Thanks for taking the time to read one of my stories now if you have the means could you please make a donation so i can realixe my dream and become a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

THE END.

Stinger ( Part Two )

09 Saturday Sep 2017

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In part one of this story i introduced you to El Groucho the meanest baddest drug smuggler in Mexico.

El Groucho had been smuggling drugs into America for decades but over  the last year or so all of his efforts have been thwarted by the american authorities.

So he came up with a very cunning plan.

He kidnapped an genetic scientist and his family and held them for ransom.

The scientist was told to come up with a way to smuggle drugs that was invisible to radar or his family would be killed.

After a week of trial and tribulation he finally came up with the idea of genetically modifying a wasp.

A wasp that at first was the size of a sparrow but now has grown to the size of a small plane.

The modified wasp started flying back and forth between Mexico and America delivering saddlebags full of cocaine to the american public and bringing back millions of dollars to El Groucho.

But during the long lonely flights the wasp started to dip its stinger into the saddlebags sampling the product.

And pretty soon the modified wasp was addicted.

Back in his compound El Groucho after having the scientist and hid family murdered.

Was busy counting his money when the modified wasp crashed through his living room wall killing a Few of El Groucho’s henchmen.

While El Groucho narrowly escaped by the skin of his teeth and made his way to a secret fortress near the pico de orizaba mountain.

And the modified flew off with his saddlebags full of cocaine.

Part Two.

The modified wasp has almost reached Texas feeling strung out a little bit worse for the weather.

Its saddlebags are empty and it desperately needs some relief.

The wasp is now the size of a large glider and is just as silent and like a stealth bomber it is invisible to radar,

With a stinger as long as a javelin and as thick as a mans arm

It is a weapon of enormous proportions a weapon of death.

The wasp starts to feel a little nostalgic as it comes in for a landing.

He never knew his mother but he knows that she was born in this neck of the woods.

So this is the perfect place to recuperate and rid his body from the drug dependency.

He lands near a large cave and crawls inside to cleanse his body and mind.

Then he closes his eyes and enters a state of hibernation.

As the wasp sleeps he shakes and shivers as his body screams out for a fix.

But he is not alone because all of the local insects come out to lend a helping hand.

They tend to all of his needs as he goes through cold turkey.

Two weeks later the wasp opens his eyes to the start of a brand new life

It crawls out of the cave and starts to beat his wings getting ready for takeoff.

And as he prepares to take to the sky he has only two things on his mind.

Rid America and Mexico from the scourge of drugs and to find and kill El Groucho.

At his fortress in the north of Mexico El Groucho is busy setting up a new operation.

He is still recovering from his encounter with the modified wasp but he is determined to once again be a major player in the drug trade.

After all the Americans still need to feed their habits and El Groucho is more than happy to supply their misery.

The wasp has just entered Mexican airspace when his stinger starts to twirl and twist it has honed in on a drug making warehouse.

The wasp lands silently on the roof of the warehouse and using its stinger like a can opener it peels back the corrugated iron.

It looks down onto the workers below as they bag up kilo after kilo of cocaine

Then it drops down like a blood thirsty bumble bee.

It lands with a thud in the middle of the room and the bagger’s scatter in all directions.

But the wasp isn’t interested in them they are just peasant folk trying to feed their families.

All of his concentration is on four guards armed with machine guns.

Soon the bullets are flying and the wasp is hit by over twenty rounds but they have little affect.

Because the wasps body has also modified it is now a two inch thick combination of kevlar and carbon steel.

It is on the guards with lightning speed and they are all despatched with a single bite.

Then the wasp opens the bags of cocaine with its stinger beats its wings as fast as a hummingbird and the cocaine is gone with the wind.

Then the wasp fills its saddlebags with all of the drug money sets fire to the warehouse and takes off.

Once outside the wasp swoops down low over a local village  and empties the saddlebags that contain almost one million dollars.

All of the people race outside and fill their pockets with the money sent from heaven.

They have never seen so much money now they will be able to feed and clothe their families for years.

In the following months the wasp flies all over Mexico destroying every drug operation that it comes across.

Burning the drugs and raining down millions of dollars on the poor folk below.

And of course all of this activity hasn’t gone unnoticed by the media.

Television stations all over the country are reporting the story of a strange flying creature that is destroying drug operations and making the poor rich with money from the heavens.

The modified wasp is fast becoming something of a hero to the masses.

And the press have even given the creature a name ‘El Saviour’

But not all people are happy with the activities of ‘El Saviour’

Up in his fortress El Groucho is seething as he watches his TV with his eyes ablaze.

Something will have to be done about this ‘El Saviour’ so he picks up an encrypted phone and makes some calls.

He is calling his fellow drug barons who control the drug trade in Mexico.

They are all losing money hand over fist and they will stop at nothing to stop this ‘El Saviour’

And they agree to meet El Groucho at his fortress in three days time.

One by one the drug lords arrive at an airport fifty miles from the fortress  and they all board a helicopter supplied by El Groucho.

And they takeoff towards their destiny.

The drug lords are relaxing with shots of tequila  talking about ways to rid themselves from the menace of ‘El Saviour’

When from the corner of his eye the pilot notices an incoming threat.

A huge wasp is racing towards the helicopter and the pilot screams at his passengers to strap themselves in.

But his warning comes way too late.

‘El Saviour comes in low and fast and before the passengers can move he runs his stinger along the side of the copter.

And opens it up like a can of beans.

A few of the passengers are sucked out and slam into the rotor blades while the rest pray to their maker as the helicopter goes into free fall and hits the ground.

In his fortress El Groucho sees the flames on the side side of the mountain and his knees start to buckle.

He looks at the huge fireball and knows that he is in big trouble ‘El Saviour’ is nearby looking for a fight.

Bring it on motherfucker.

The modified wasp know that El Groucho is nearby but it is not quite sure where.

He waves his stinger and tastes the air trying to pick up a scent.

And sure enough he picks up a smell the smell of fear.

He gets his bearings and flies toward a fortress a mile away.

El Groucho is waiting for an attack and he isn’t surprised when a huge wasp appears on the horizon.

But he is surprised by the sheer size of it.

The wasp is now the size of a airliner and coming in fast.

El Groucho waits for the wasp to get within firing range

He puts a surface to air missile launcher to his shoulder takes aim and fires.

But the missile is deflected by the wasp and it loses its course and heads back towards the fortress.

‘Holy shit’ El Groucho screams as the missile streaks toward him

He runs as fast as he can but is still inside when the missile hits the fortress.

But once again luck is on El Grouchos side and he crawls outside virtually unscathed.

The fortress is now nothing more than a pile of rubble and El Groucho crawls toward a land rover to make an escape.

But he doesn’t get very far when ‘El Saviour comes in hard and fast and impales El Groucho in the thigh.

And carries him off toward the pico de arizaba mountain.

An active volcano.

El Groucho is wriggling like a fish caught on a hook as the modified wasp hovers above the crater.

Then the wasp points his stinger earthward and El Groucho falls into the molten lava.

El Groucho screams all the way down he cant believe that he has been defeated by a creature that he helped create.

His screams stop as he hits the lave and becomes nothing but ash.

The modified wasp smiles with satisfaction with a job well done

And in a heartbeat he is gone.

Destination unknown

Thanks for taking the time to read one of my stories now if you have the means could you please make a donation so i can realize my dream of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

THE END

Hell Dorado

05 Saturday Aug 2017

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It is lunch time on 21 August 1974 and Daniel Carruthers is sitting at his desk beneath the National Museum London England

Daniel has been an archivist at the museum for over twenty years and he is bored out of his mind.

He has catalogued more books letters essays and journals than he cares to remember.

What Daniel needs is to get away from it all and recharge his batteries but his annual leave isn’t due until Christmas.

He sighs to himself as he sorts through a box of books on his desk.

 

Daniel is 35 years old and he has never had a steady girlfriend.

Like your typical librarian Danial wears thick glasses from years of reading in a dimly

lit room.

He wears clothes that were fashionable a decade prior and his skin is pasty from working down in the basement.

 

As Daniel works he comes across a dusty old journal written by the explorer Sir Walter

Raleigh.

The pages are fragile and yellowed with age but Daniel feels a wave of excitement as he starts to read.

As he reads Daniels heart begins to beat double time.He gets up from his chair walks to his office door and locks it.

Returning to his desk he reads ‘Journal entry 2nd July 1582’

‘Tomorrow i set sail in the search for the legendary El Dorado,does El Dorado exist or is it just a story from the ages’

‘Legend has it that king El Rey Dorado of the musica tribe of Colombia used to cover himself in gold dust and throw pieces of gold into an underground lake named Guatavita to appease the god’s.’

‘I aim to find that gold and bring it back to the queens England’

 

Daniel continues to read the journal until the end of his shift and then he does something that he has never done before.

He places the journal into his briefcase and heads upstairs with sweaty palms.

Taking museum property home is strictly forbidden.

 

Daniel tries to calm his nerves when he reaches the lobby.

He puts a smile on his face as he approaches the security guards says goodnight  to them and walks out onto the street.

He cant wait to arrive home to read more of the journal.

 

When Daniel gets home he has a quick meal and a shower then settles down for the night

He pours himself a large whiskey lights a cigarette and starts to read and he soon becomes lost in the words.

He smokes cigarette after cigarette as his excitement grows and as he reads his mind becomes addled with the lust for gold.

 

Daniel Carruthers the mild mannered archivist is finally coming out of his shell.

And as he tries to settle down to sleep his mind is ticking over.

He has over six months of leave built up so maybe now the time is right to get out from the mundane.

And go on an adventure.

 

When Daniel arrives at work the next day he informs his boss that he is taking all of his leave effective from tomorrow.

His boss tells him that he has to give a months notice before taking any leave so get to work and follow proper procedure.

But Daniel is having none of that and without another word he picks up his briefcase and walks out the door.

The fever for gold has already taken away all of Daniels common sense.

Is he about to walk a very dangerous path.

Will he walk the yellow brick road?

Or walk the highway to hell?

 

Daniel spends the next week at home getting his passport and travel plans in order.

And reading Sir Walter Raleigh’s journal until it started to fall apart in his hands.

And ten days after he resigned from his job Daniel boards a flight to Bogata Colombia.

After the plane lands he catches a taxi to his motel room and gets a few hours sleep.

 

In the morning walks the streets going from market to market asking the locals about

El Dorado.

He asks the same questions that have been asked for centuries ‘Where can i find the gold of El Dorado? Or is El Dorado just a myth or legend?’

 

Daniel thinks that he has been discreet but all of his questioning hasn’t gone unnoticed.

A local businessman named Miguel Escovado has been following Daniel as he mixes with the locals.

Because he to has had a fascination with the legend of El Dorado.

He taps Daniel on the shoulder and suggests that they talk.

 

So the two adventurers go to a canteena for a coffee and a chat.

Daniel is wary of this strangers motives but he listens as the man talks about El Dorado and where they might find it.

Daniel soon realises that will have to trust someone sooner or later so he takes the journal from his briefcase and puts it on the table.

Miguel picks up the journal and for for the next hour he reads non stop.

And Daniel and Miguel agree to become business partners.

 

With his local knowledge Miguel soon organises the supplies and a working party of ten villagers.

And a week later the expedition leaves Bogata in four old land rovers.

Destination EL Dorado.

 

Daniel and Miguel are in the lead land rover plotting the course.

Miguel is at the wheel while Daniel reads the journal.

They have no maps just a good feeling that they are heading in the right direction.

 

Two weeks later Daniel has this sinking feeling that they have been driving around in circles.

Fuel is running low and the morale among the guides is even lower.

Daniel realises that he has been on a fools errand searching for a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

He looks over to Miguel and suggests that they turn back before it is too late.

 

But Miguel doesn’t want to give up so easily.

The fever for gold is flowing freely through his veins.

And after a brief discussion they agree to give it another month.

If they haven’t found El Dorado in that time then they will  count their losses and head back home.

 

But fuel is really getting low so when they reach a fast flowing river they decide to make camp camp.

And in the morning they will travel by kayak to converse the fuel supplies.

The land rovers will be left behind guarded by four of the guides.

 

All of the camping gear and the kayaks are unloaded from the land rovers and camp is set up for the night.

As he sits by the camp fire eating rice and beans Daniel notices that the guides are looking uneasy and whispering amongst themselves.

Miguel tells Daniel that the guides are worried that they will upset their god if they remove any gold from the forest.

And the only way to appease them a sacrifice will have to be made.

 

When it finally sinks in what the guides are saying Miguel tries to alert Daniel to the danger but he is too late.

One of the guides fires his rifle and Miguel falls to the ground dead.

Daniel jumps to his feet in shock and slowly inches back in the direction of the turbulent river.

He knows that his only chance to survive is to make it into the water.

 

He is only ten feet from the water when the head guide walks towards him with a smirk on his face.

The guide is named Guido and he is one mean son of a bitch who would kill you without batting an eyelid.

He hols out the journal to Daniel and says ‘You show me the way to El Dorado and i will let you live’

 

Guido is only two foot away when Daniel lunges forward and turns back towards the river.

But Guido doesn’t let go of the journal and he and Daniel tussle on the edge then with a sound Daniel Guido and the journal disappear into the torrent below.

 

Will Daniel and Guido survive the fall and find El Dorado?

Or will they both drown and wind up in hell?

 

To find out the answers to these questions and more.

All you have to do is return and read Part Two

Thanks for taking the time to read one of my stories, now if you have the means could you please make a donation so i can realize my dream of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

Salvatore Salvatore’

21 Friday Jul 2017

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A bright red Ducati 848 pulls into a parking spot near a theatre on the corner of 31 st & broadway new york city.

Riding the machine is Salvatore Salvatore’ a ruthless hit man who will kill anyone if the price is right.

Salvatore revs the engine as he waits for his target to exit the theatre for intermission.He is a smoker so soon he will emerge for a nicotine fix.

As Salvatore waits he pulls a glock 3×4789 revolver from his jacket pocket and screws a silencer in place.

He doesn’t have to wait long because soon the theatre doors fly open and some of the patrons come rushing outside.

His target lights a cigarette and Salvatore recognises him right away,he guns his bike and inches forward in the traffic.

When he is level with the mark he raises his arm and fires a single shot into the forehead of his victim.

Then he gives his ducati full throttle and disappears into the night

At home a few hours later Salvatore is relaxing at home waiting for an email to arrive to confirm the hit and payment into his overseas account.

And an hour later he is $ 100,000 richer and proud of a job well done.

Salvatore is 42 years old 6′ 2” tall weighing 180 pounds with black wavy hair and an athletic build he likes to wear hand made italian suits with gucci shoes.

He could be a banker or an accountant on their way to work but he is anything but,he also has the ability to blend in with the background nobody notices him he is the ghost that walks.

Salvatore is riding his ducati around manhattan taking in the sites when his cellphone vibrates in his pocket.

Someone else needs killing.

He parks his bike near central park and has a seat on a bench and starts to read the email from his boss.

The client is a Mrs Anne Bartelli who is tired of her husbands womanising and she wants him gone.

She will pay $ 150,000 if her husband suffers a slow and agonising death.

Salvatore prefers to kill nice and quick but for that type of money he will do what the client requires.

A week later he arrives at the Bartelli household dressed as a plumber and knocks on the door.

A middle aged man answers ‘Yes how can i help you?’ Salvatore answers ‘ Mr Bartelli? I am hear to fix your leaking toilet’

Bartelli starts to answer when Salvatore pulls his glock from his toolbox and tells his target to step back inside and Salvatore follows him in.

Salvatore ties Bartelli naked to a chair with a sock stuffed into his mouth and gets to work.

And for the next hour Salvatore goes about his business with a minimum of fuss.Using every tool in his toolbox he inflicts more pain than any human can handle and thankfully Bartelli loses consciousness.

Salvatore decides that enough is enough and quickly finishes the job and slices Bartelli’s neck open from ear to ear.

Then he packs up his toolbox and leaves without being seen.

But he has been seen.

Upstairs looking through the railings is a five year girl too stunned to make a sound.

Little Emily was supposed to go to school today but she talked her daddy into taking her to the zoo instead.

Now she is so traumatised she cant move a muscle as she watches her daddies killer walk out the door.

For the next decade Salvatore has performed over a dozen more murders earning himself a lot of money.

And with a savvy business mind and investments Salvatore now has more money than he could ever dream of.

So he treats himself to a porsche and large yacht that he approporiately names ‘Salvatore”

While Salvatore has been making his millions Emily Bartelli has been in and out of institutions.

She is still so traumatised that she hasn’t uttered a word since witnessing her fathers murder ten years ago.

Today Emily is walking along the jetty towards the waters of hudson bay.As she walks she admires all of the boats moored at the marina.

And she remembers the times that her father used to take her fishing out in the bay.She smiles to herself for a second as she remembers the good times.

Than her she looks over to a boat called ‘Salvatore” and the man tending the sails.He looks vaguely familiar.

Than her heart starts to palpitate.Surely her eyes aren’t playing tricks on her.

It has to be the same man.The man who killed her father.

Emily emits a low growl from her throat and utters the first word that she has uttered in ten years ‘murderer’.

She silently climbs aboard the ‘Salvatore’ and launches herself at the killer

Salvatore senses movement behind and turns around,but a second too late.He is hit hard and his feet get tangled in the ropes and he and his attacker both land in the water.

Salvatore desperately tries to free himself from the ropes and his attacker but he is losing the battle.And after a few minutes he breathes his last breath.

Emily holds on to the killer and watches as his eyes glaze over.She smiles to herself she is happy now.So she lets go and slowly sinks to the bottom.

Now she and her father are together once again.

In the house where Emil’s father was killed a lonely widow sits weeping.

Because of her spite she has lost her daughter.

She has lost everything.

THE END

Thanks for taking the time to read one of my stories and if you have the means could you please make a donation so i can realize my dream and become a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.