Category Archives: poems

Victor The Voodoo Doll

10 Friday Jul 2015

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I was sitting at home pissed off at the world

And all the people who live in it

I am tired of being disrespected

Taking their shit taking the hit

I thought it is time to get some revenge

It is time to hit back

So I was drinking thinking thinking drinking

My Brain was going into overdrive

My revenge will crack the sky

I started to think about Ouija Boards Tarot Cards

and all sorts of Black Magic

Witches Goblins Dracula and all things on the

dark side

I want to hit them with everything that I have

One big freaking Magic trick

Then I remembered a story about a bridge where

you had to pay a toll

The money went to a nasty little Troll

But then I thought no I will make a Voodoo

Doll

I started with a foam ball for the head

I wrapped the ball with string

I stuck on two Buttons for the Eyes

A few Black stitches make the mouth

For the body I used a heat pack that I wrapped

in string

Then I got two Cricket stumps that I tied together

to form a cross

To the cross I attached the Head and Body

The stumps formed two arms and a Leg

I picked up the Voodoo Doll and I walked around

my lounge room

I had to give it a test run

I race to the Kitchen drawer and grab myself a Pin

I can hardly wait to stick it in

I think of a person who deserves the Voodoo Doll

revenge

My bully from School I will avenge

I don’t want to be cruel so I stick the pin in his Leg

It is a pity I cant hear him scream and beg

Just then the room is filled by a piercing scream

It feels like I am having a bad dream

A voice says ‘Ouch don’t do that again’

I look down to see my Voodoo Doll standing on

the Coffee Table

I try to form some words but I am not able

The Voodoo Doll says ‘My name is Victor I come

from Medieval times I come in many shapes and forms

Unicorn Goblin Werewolf Bigfoot and Troll’

‘I come to you in the shape of a Voodoo Doll

My Mouth is hanging open as that 30 cm tall piece of

foam and string continues to talk

‘I come from the time of King Arthur Merlin the Lady

In The Lake and Lancelot’

‘The time of myths and legends’

‘You have brought me here as a Voodoo Doll’

‘S you want me to perform  some sort of Voodoo’

‘Like I am a Voodoo Hoodoo Guru’

As I listen to Victor talk I feel my skin crawl

There is something about him that I don’t trust

Then the spit in my mouth turns to dust

Even though I don’t want to

I listen to him like I am in a trance

My Brain is numb my Heart has turned to stone

I am like a Dog who cant remember where he buried

his bone

Victor tells me that whenever I am in his presence he will

perform the duties of a Voodoo Doll

As long as I am prepared to pay the toll

Am I prepared ? Can I afford the price ?

I decide to take the risk and I tell Victor of a Bank

teller who was a little unfriendly

But I know that I have to tread carefully Victor is a little

scary

I have to be like a mine shaft Canary very wary

Arriving at the bank I point out the Teller to Victor

He tells me he gets the picture

He says that when I stick the pin in him the Teller

will feel the pain

I go to stick the pin in but Victor moves at the last

second

He did it on purpose I reckon

So instead of the pin going in his thigh

It went in Victors left Eye

The Teller lets out an almighty scream

Her hands go straight to her face

Blood seeps through her fingers going all over the

place

What is happening ?

I cant believe my eyes

What if the Teller drops down and dies ?

I don’t want a Voodoo doll no more

Things are getting out of control

I want to go back to before

I don’t want a Voodoo Doll no more

Victor lets out a laugh and does a little jig

I scream at him ‘What the frig’

‘Nobody was supposed to get hurt that teller could go

blind’

Why are Voodoo Dolls so unkind?

But Victor couldn’t care less he is addicted to the pain

To him it is all just a laugh it is all just a game

I have had enough and I carry Victor home

But he doesn’t go easy it looks like the Dog has found

its bone

Victor needs to be dismantled and I place him in a vice

I start to undo the string I don’t even think twice

But then an evil wind blows into my shed

He carries a pitchfork and has horns on his head

I can feel the heat from the infernal fire

Things have gone from bad to worse they are looking

very dire

The air is sucked from the room as the intruder starts to speak

Let me introduce myself in case do didn’t know,I am the Evil  one

Lucifer Satan The Devil I go by many names’

He looks at me with the Demon eye and says’You should know

that if you play with fire you will get burnt’

I can feel my hair singe my skin starts to blister and peel

The pain starts to feel very real

Just then Victor speaks up and I like what he has to say

‘Come on Master give the guy a break’

‘He didn’t know that a bit of fun could turn into a whole lot

of hurt’

‘So let him go and you can win some brownie points from

the people’

Before the Devil can reply I shout out ‘Yeah Mr Devil please

let me go’

‘But before you go can you do me a favour?’

‘Come over here and kiss my lily white arse and then get the

fuck out of here’

The Devil is steaming his eyes start to bulge

I think ‘Jesus me and my mouth maybe I said a little to much’

‘Maybe I have lost my magic touch’

The Devil lets out a thunderous demonic laugh and stares me

right in the Eye

He picks up his pitchfork and he gives my chest a poke

And then he and Victor disappear in a puff of smoke.

‘i

I thinl

Crazy Man

04 Saturday Jul 2015

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A crazy man is wandering the streets

With wild hair he shuffles his feet

He doesn’t know where he is going

He doesn’t know where he has been

He lives on the edge of society

somewhere in between

Crazy mans head is in a different space

He is not quite part of the Human race

He lives his life under a dark cloud

The buzzing in his head

is getting real loud

Crazy man just wanders around in a daze

His mind is in a Purple haze

Now the colour has turned to Black

Something is about to happen

Something to gonna snap

Crazy mans problems started

when he was a young lad

All the other kids thought

he could be had

Crazy man bruised and used

But worst of all he was sexually abused

Crazy man started to wander up and down

a long black trail

That is when he knew that he was coming

off the rails

Naked as a Jaybird howling at the Moon

Crazy man is singing a looney tune

Only Fifteen at the time he has been

through a lot of crap

Even though he runs he cant escape the trap

Five kids grab him and pull down his shorts

The memory of it still haunts

Crazy man is tied to a Tree

He is sprayed with Semen

He is covered in pee

That is when Crazy man tried to become

invisible

He had his first attempt at suicide

You can run but you cant hide

Crazy man withdrew  from the world

and he became a recluse

Nobody wants to know you when

you have a screw loose

Crazy man is always alone

even in a crowded room

He wants to be accepted

He just wants to live his life

He just has to stay away

from the sharp edged knife

Crazy man has always been rejected

He is always the odd man out

Just try to know him

And see what he is all about

Crazy man isn’t perfect

But he always tries his best

Just give him a chance

And give the a abuse a fucking rest

Even though Crazy man tries to be

invisible

He always seems to get in the way

He doesn’t mean to

He is just looking for a safe place to stay

Crazy Man has always been down

Forever getting pushed to the ground

When he tries to get back up

He is kicked in the guts

He is down no ifs or buts

Crazy man thinks what is the use

in getting back up

Things always go from bad to worse

His life is one big mother fucking curse

Crazy man is still with us

he has reached middle age

He lives alone in a silent rage

He doesn’t understand why he is

always the target of abuse

Why get back up?

Whats the fucking use

But Crazy man is a survivor

he want go down without a fight

He will give it all that he has

He will give it all his might

You are probably wondering who the

Crazy man is?

Who could he be?

Well when I look in the mirror

I realise that the Crazy man is me

This story is dedicated to all the fucking

arseholes who made my life a living hell

This is a story that I didn’t want to tell

But I had to get it off my chest

And hopefully  put all the crap to rest

Nobody wants to know

F

Louisiana Freight Train

27 Saturday Jun 2015

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Forty five years ago today a champion was born

He wasn’t born a champion that came later on

He was born Calvin Dupree

He had skin as black as Ebony

He lived in the outer suburbs of Baton Rogue

Louisiana

They say he was a bad penny with a very short fuse

Calvins Mama worked three jobs just to put food on

the table

But still there was never enough food to eat

His clothes were all hand me downs

He wore no shoes on his feet

Calvins Papa walked out on the day he was born

He didn’t want to be tied down

He didn’t want to take responsibility

Calvin never got to meet his Papa and it is a good

thing that he didn’t

His Papa did a lot of things and most of them he shoudnt

In his teenage years Calvin lived his life on the streets

Just trying to survive

Shop lifting mugging anything to help his Mama pay the rent

As soon as he gets some money it is already spent

When he was Fifteen he robbed the wrong person

And he was arrested

Then next morning he appeared at the Juvenile Court

The Judge gave him three years in detention

Calvin thinks that he got three years because of the

colour of his skin

He is Black did I forget to mention

He arrives at detention with a chip on his shoulder

And a fire in his belly

He doesn’t like to be locked away or confined

Being put away does something to your mind

The following day at lunch Calvin is standing in the food

line

When a White Gang banger tries to push in front

Calvin throws a punch and Whitey goes down like a bag

of shit

And all it took was one hit

With that single punch Calvin got himself a reputation

A skinny Black kid who could punch like a sledge hammer

He toughest little Black kid in this freaking slammer

Over the next couple of years took on any inmate who wanted to

fight

Calvin won every fight and he inflicted a whole lot of pain

And that is where he got the name Freight Train

The Warden got wind of Calvins fondness for throwing

his fists

And two guards escorted him  to the Wardens office

The Warden told Calvin that in two weeks time he was going

home

He tells Calvin to keep his hands to himself stay out of trouble

and you are home free

So Calvin does what the Warden asks and he behaves like

a choir boy

He goes to the Prison church and says a prayer

But underneath he is a fighter so beware

Upon his release Calvin goes straight back to his old ways

Robbing stealing making the same mistakes that he did before

Mistakes that he cant afford to make no more

About a week later he is just walking along the street when he comes

upon a Gym

So he goes inside and signs up and starts to lift weights bench

press skip rope and shadow box

One day while doing his exercises a Boxing match is  in progress

When one of the fighters goes down in the first round the other fighter

is frustrated he wants a more intense workout

Calvin who is getting bigger and bigger goes to the side of the

ring and offers to take the losers place

Calvin climbs into the ring wearing gloves and head gear

for the first time

His opponent is a little cocky and blaise

Calvin feints to the left then throws a right upper cut

His opponents head snaps back and his lights go out

And that folks is the end of the bout

All the bystanders are stunned and one of them asks ‘Kid what

is your name? he answers with

‘They call me the Louisiana Freight Train’

Well the Train has left the Station it is rolling down the track

It is an express it doesn’t make any stops

It is on its way straight to the top

Over the next few months Freight Train fights and defeats all

of the other Boxers who step in the ring

Not one fight goes past the first round

Freight Train is the best fighter pound for pound

A Promoter does he want to turn Professional

‘I could make you  the next Cassius Clay so what do you say?’

Freight Train nods his head and says that he is ready

His first Professional fight is set for three months time

Three months later and the Baton Rogue Fighters Club is

a sell out

Freight Train opponent is a old pro named Typhoon Larry

Typhoon is the State champion and he has been for years

He has had 52 fights and he has won them all by knockout

If a Freight Train and a Typhoon ever meet who would win?

Well you are about to find out

Both fighters touch gloves and the fight is on

Freight Train steps forward and unleashes a volley of punchs

Typhoon Larry doesn’t know what hit him and he hits the canvass

And he isn’t getting up

The referee counts Typhoon Larry

Freight Train is the new State champion

He celebrates with fifty grand in his pocket

It is the most money he has ever seen

He sends half to his Mama and the other half goes in the Bank

Suddenly Freight Trains name gets the attention of Fox and CNN

He is all Red White and Blue

He is fighting for me he is fighting for you

For the next three years Freight Train slowly works his way

up the rankings

He currently sits at number Eight in the World

He wants a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship belt

A month later Freight Trains Manager tells him that if he wins his next fight

He will get a shot at the title

He could be the next Champion

Freight Train works his ass off he trains the house down

He is at peak fitness he is ready to fight

This fight will either make or break him

Fight night arrives and Freight Train enters the ring

He his up against the favourite Rod ‘The Brick ‘ Simpson who

has never been defeated in his 20 fights

Freight Train is also undefeated 29 fights 29 knockouts

For the first Five rounds both Boxers trade blows ‘ The Brick ‘

has a cut under his left eye

At the start of the Sixth round Freight Train walks up and hits Simpson

on his Jaw

And  ‘The Brick ‘ hits the floor

The Referee counts to Ten and ‘ The Brick ‘ is counted out

The crowd is stunned then they erupt in cheers

Once again Freight Train has delivered the goods

The World title fight is set for April 13 Six months from now

At Madison Square Garden against the World Champion

The Bulgarian Nicoli Spazovich

FreightTrain now has more money then he could ever spend

He owns 3 houses and about 29 Cars

He is on the cover of every sports magazine

But none of that matters all he wants is to be crowned as the World

Champion

The six months go by fast but Freight Train is more then ready for the

challenge

If he wins he will become the richest fighter the World has ever seen

Madison Square Garden is a sell out

And there is a Global audience of 2 Billion people

The is being billed as East versus West

Some also think that it is Black versus White

One thing that Freight Train knows is that he probably want

win by knockout he will have to wear the Bulgarian out

The signals fight on and both Boxers try to stare each other down

They trade punches for the first Eight rounds Freight Train is slowly

wearing the Bulgarian down with body punches

The bell sounds for the start of the last round and Freight Train is just

ahead on points

He tries to deliver the killer punch but the Bulgarian is cagey

and he holds Freight Train against the ropes

With 20 seconds to go Freight Train knows that it is now

or never

He cocks his right arm but then he delivers a left cross to the head

of the Bulgarian who staggers across the ring by the force of the punch

then he cant do nothing but land on his back

And he doesn’t get up

The crowd goes ballistic and Freight Train raises his gloves in victory

He is now the World Heavyweight Champion of the world

The press the next call the final blow ‘The Punch Of The Century’

Freight Train defends his title against all comers for the next Eight

years but he knows that he is losing his edge

So at a press conference he announces his retirement from

Professional Boxing

Ali Spinks Tyson foreman Frasier and now Freight Train

Now and forever people will remember that name.

Freight Train defends his title against

Lonely Tears And Chandeliers

19 Friday Jun 2015

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This is a story about a Southern belle named Savannah

Mae Huxtable

Who lives on a ranch outside Fort Worth Texas

She wears designer clothes and drives a shiny

new Lexus

Savannah Mae and her husband Billy Bob live at

her Grandpappys old family mansion

With eight bathrooms five bathrooms and ten staff

at her beck and call

It is no wonder that Savannah Mae feels like the  best

belle at the ball

But Savannah Mae is feeling so Goddamn lonely

Billy Bob is always with his wheeling and dealing

He hasn’t got a clue how Savannah Mae is feeling

When Savannah Mae is feeling a little down

She goes to her favourite part of the house

The huge entrance foyer

The walls are full of priceless originals

The room is full of classic sculptors

But her favourite is the Italian chandelier that hangs

from the ceiling

It seems to know how she is feeling

Savannah Mae sits on the palatial stairs

And watches that chandelier gleam

She just sits there and dreams her dream

One lonely tear slides down her face

Her dream is to be in a happy place

The chandelier senses her mood

Savannah Mae looks at that chandelier like she

is hypnotised

And slowly that tear drop dries

Billy Bob arrives home around midnight

Savannah Mae pretends to be asleep

But she cant resist having a little peep

Billy Bob is hiding something in the dressing table

drawer

Savannah Mae closes her eyes and dreams her

dream once more

About an hour later Savannah Mae is awoken by

movement in the bed

Billy Bob is lying beside her she smells a strange scent

in the air

It is coming from Billy Bob it is all through his hair

So Billy Bob is having an affair

Savannah Mae has suspected for a while now

All of his strange moods

Staying at work till late at night

But Savannah Mae wont give up her marriage

without a fight

Savannah Mae is distraught it is just as she thought

Billy Bob has taken her for a fool

If Billy Bob can have some southern comfort

Then so can she

She will find herself some bad company

Her bad company comes in the shape of ranch manager

Randy Axelrod

No words are exchanged just a simple nod

Savannah Mae is taken bent over the kitchen table

With no foreplay or even a kiss she is not ready

So the sex is painful and completely degrading

To Randy she is just a piece of meat

She drives home dripping blood onto the drivers seat

Arriving home she has a shower to wash away the shame

She hangs her head in remorse

But you cant turn back time of course

She sits on the stairs weeping some lonely tears

Staring up at that chandelier thinking about what she

has done

Thinking about what she has become

She goes up to her bedroom and tries to open the dressing

table but it is locked

What has Billy Bob hidden in there/

A gun condoms her his piece on the side

Savannahs Mae mind is going around and around

She has tried her best to be a good loving wife

So why is Billy Bob fooling around?

Savannah Mae is in the need of some more southern

comfort

This time it comes in the shape of a bottle of Scotch

Sitting on the stairs the lonely tears are flowing

And the chandelier is glowing

After about six glasses of the single Malt

She comes to the conclusion that everything is her fault

The chandelier whispers in her ear

Savannah Mae your time is here

Savannah Mae goes to her bed with the Scotch and a

bottle of pills

And one by one she swallows the lot

She closes her eyes and just slips away

She will never again she a Sunrise

Unless Billy Bob can save the day?

Billy Bob arrives home to find his wife comatose on the bed

An empty bottle of Scotch and pills by her head

He calls 911 and the paramedics arrive just in time

It is touch and go but they think that Savannah Mae will

be just fine

A few days later she gets home from the hospital

Frail but glad to be home

But what is in the dresser drawer?

She confronts Billy Bob about his affair and the locked

drawer

Billy Bob goes to the dresser and unlocks the drawer

And pulls out two tickets to London

A surprise for their tenth wedding anniversary

Savannah Mae doesn’t know what to say

How could she be so dumb?

She has let her emotions take over and then some

Billy Bob gets down on one knee and tells Savannah Mae

that ‘You are the only one for me forever and ever our hearts are

entwined until the end of time’

Savannah Mae and Billy Bob are now in a London suite renewing

their vows

They barely leave the room

Who needs Big Ben Buckingham Palace the Eye and the London

Tower

Cause we all know that love has the power

Back at home the chandelier whispers to an empty room

‘What about the smell of perfume?”

But that is another story

Captain Crunch

14 Sunday Jun 2015

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I live in the Northern Territory on the edge of Kakadu

National Park.

Where the Aboriginals paint their dot art on Coolabar

bark

My home is a mobile one I call it ‘The Shack’

It is the most run down piece of crap in the whole

Outback.

But I call it home and it has been for fifty years or

more

I have nothing worth stealing so I don’t even bother

to lock my door.

My most prized possession lives around the back

In a fenced off Lagoon a little ways down the track

I am talking about my pet Crocodile that I have named

Captain Crunch

Crunch is the sound that you hear when he bites on some

bones

or cracks open a skull

Captain Crunch is many things but he is never dull

Captain Crunch loves his lunch and he is never late

for dinner

He is partial to a midnight snack

If Captain Crunch had his way he would eat 24 hours

a day

I have owned Captain Crunch for forty years since I was ten

years of age

Now he is Five metres long and full of rage

I walk down the track to where Captain Crunch is waiting

for his meal

Everyone loves their dinner I know just how he feels

His meal today is Kangaroo road kill

Captain Crunch comes rushing out of the water like a

locomotive speeding down a hill

Wham and the Roo is ripped apart in a death spin

In just three bites he swallows down his din din

By the way my name is Arthur ‘Mongrel’ McKnight

I have a patch over my left eye courtesy of a pub fight

I love living in the Territory with its long Red sunsets

Watching the fishermen cast out their fishing nets

But it is now the start of the wet season

Things are going to get wet which stands to reason

I lay in my bed listening to the rain hit my tin roof

Shit I forgot to close the front window I feel like a

bit of a goof

Christ it is really coming down it is raining Cats and Dogs

Good weather for Ducks and little Green Frogs

In the  morning I wake up and my mobile home is floating

I really do need a Coffee before I go boating

But there is no time to put the kettle on as the landscape

flashes past

I really wish that my mobile home had a sail and a freaking

mast

It is a short trip as I crash into the river bank just before my

home sank

I guess it is god that I really should thank

I inspect the damage and everything looks good

touch wood

What the weather couldn’t do a Crocodile could

Captain Crunch has escaped he is on the loose

Just like the proverbial going through a Goose

Just what the Territory needs a rouge Croc in the

waterways

Just like Steve Irwin and the barb from a Stingray

A deadly combination of bad luck and being in the

wrong place at the wrong time

Like needing a Quarter but all you have is a Dime

A few days later a tourist goes missing just a mile

from my home

All they found was some car keys and a mobile phone

I guess that Captain Crunch has had a snack

That tourist is never coming back

I walk up and down the river bank calling out Captain

Crunches name

I called out for a week but he never came

Then a notice a local boy swimming from one side to the

other

He is trying to reach the safety of his Mother

Then he starts to struggle and I think that he is going to drown

Then I hear an eerie splashing sound

Captain Crunch is heading the boys way like a torpedo

Before I know it I have stripped down to my Speedos

But before I can jump in Captain Crunch has the boy in his jaws

I expect to hear a crunching sound and see some blood and gore

But all Captain Crunch does is carry the boy to the river bank

And then he spits him out onto the dirt

The boy runs away he isn’t even hurt

So Captain Crunch has a soft side who would have thought

that was possible

A Crocodile has just done the impossible

He has just saved a life instead of ending one

Captain Crunch swims past me with a glint in his eye

Jesus did he just give me a wink?

A soft sided Crocodile what will people think?

It turns out that the missing tourist has committed suicide

A note was found at her place

But no trace of her has ever been found

Another person who couldn’t live on the not so merry

go round

Captain Crunch is still out there somewhere

The King of the river the king of the creek

He is wary of the strong but will save the weak

So if you ever visit the Territory keep an eye out for Captain Crunch

But just be careful that he doesn’t have you for lunch

Afew days later

Solitary Confinement ( Losing My Mind )

09 Tuesday Jun 2015

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My name is Anthony “The Butcher” Ironside.

They call ‘The Butcher” because I am handy

with a knife.

I am currently serving a sentence of fifty years

to life

I was Twenty years old when I first discovered that

I liked to cut.

Whenever I went I carried a big sharp blade

If you get on my bad  side

You should be afraid very afraid

I guess I got a bit complacent I got a bit

sloppy

And the Cops caught me trying to kill victim

number ten

Now I am wearing an Orange jumpsuit in the

Big Pen

After a Ten year killing spree

I finally made the FBIs most wanted list

I sit in a cell at San Quentin

I have the locked away Prison Blues

I walk the walk in Prison issue Shoes

I was sent to Solitary Confinement for the first

time about after my arrival

When my cell mate tried to insert his cock between

my Butt cheeks

And I cut it off with my shank

Now he hasn’t got a monkey to spank

For that little over the top Circumcision

I got Thirty days in the hole

In there you lose the touch of your senses

You lose the sense of time

After my release I was sent to the general

population

And I was given a new cell mate

I told him that if he kept his pants on we

will get along fine

Just leave me alone to serve my time

About Six months later I was in the mess hall

having a meal of

Well I am not sure what it is

But I fork it on down

I think I just tasted a piece of meat

Then I look at the opposite seat

Sitting there is a guy of enormous proportions

And he is looking at my meal

He says that he wants a little taste

He is another fool that I have to waste

But then I decide to let him off easy

I will let him keep his life

But he will have to pay a price

His name is Cake and I want to have a slice

I ask him does he want to lose an ear or an eye

He looks at me like I am some crazy mixed up guy

But then I strike and I bite off his right ear

He lets out a scream

And his eyes that I spared are filled with tears

His ear I spit out on the floor

And I am sent to Solitary once more

For sixty days this time

After about Ten days I start to talk to myself

And then someone talks back

The voice in my head is speaking out loud

One voice in a one person crowd

If I spread my arms I can touch the opposite

wall

In my sac my balls start to crawl

It is creepy it is scary  I cant see two feet in front

of my face

I walk back and forth

Short pace short pace short pace

On day thirty I think I am a Bat living in

a cave

My mind goes to a bad place

And starts to misbehave

On day Fifty I am seeing Spiders and Snakes

crawling on the ceiling

My emotional paint is peeling

My mind is warped my Brain has cracked

My wellbeing knows there is no coming back

Day Sixty arrives and the Guard opens the

Solitary confinement door

My Feet are moving but they don’t touch the floor

I am carried out on a Gurney

My functions are barely functioning

What presents did Santa Claus bring?

I have missed Christmas and the start of the new year

But the thing that I miss the most is my freedom

I am out of Solitary but I am still confined

I think that a Zombie has crawled into my mind

One year has gone only Forty Nine more to go

I wander around the exercise yard like the

walking dead

That Zombie is whispering bad things deep

inside my head

I go to the laundry room where I have hidden

my trusty shank

I am going to kill somebody

And you can take that to the Bank

I know that if I take a life I will get the

Electric Chair

Nobody deserves to die but who said that

life was fair

I have already picked my target

A sadistic guard by the name of Hawkins

He is now a dead man walking

Returning to the exercise yard I sneak up

behind him and I slice through his Throat

He goes to the ground

I guess shit doesn’t float

I am now back in Solitary

Waiting for my execution day

My date with the chair

God my Lawyer want appeal will he?

He wouldn’t dare

Keep an Eye out for the next chapter

Solitary Confinement ( A Lonely Life)

like the walking dead

Spank The Monkey

04 Thursday Jun 2015

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Spank the Monkey is swinging in the trees

Just fooling around eating some leaves

He is getting kind of nervous

Tomorrow is his first day at School

He hopes that he doesn’t do anything stupid

And act the fool

The next morning his Father yells out’Spank

get yourself out of bed and stop playing with

your little head’

Spank doesn’t know what his Daddy means

But he jumps out of bed full of Beans

Twenty minutes later Spank is on his way to

Kindergarten

The School Bus is full of Monkeys fooling

around and farting

The Monkey sitting next to him introduces himself

as Monkey number Thirteen.

Spank says ‘What kind of name is that? What was

your Mother thinking?

Spank says ‘My name is Spank the Monkey

Number Thirteen laughs out loud ‘you should

talk with a name like that what was your Father

drinking?

Again Spank doesn’t understand what is wrong

with his name?

Maybe number thirteen is just playing a game?

At his first class the Teacher asks the Monkeys to

say their names out loud

When it is Spanks turn he is a little apprehensive

he knows that he is shy and somewhat sensitive

But he stands up and proudly says ‘My name is

Spank the Monkey’

All the other male Monkeys laugh and move their

hands in a jerking motion

The Teacher jumps to her feet and yells out to

stop all the commotion.

Spank hangs his head he knows that the other

Monkeys are laughing at him so he runs out of

the room

Number Thirteen yells ‘Slow down Spank you don’t

want to cum to soon

Somehow Spank makes it through the day

At recess he stayed by himself while all the

other Monkeys went to play

Then he smiles cause after School he is going

to Maccas for a happy meal and a shake

Come on time hurry up for goodness sake

Spanks Mum picks him up outside the Schoolgate

About time to she is ten minutes late

On the way his Mum tells him that his Dad is

on his way

Spank just smiles he is so excited that he has

nothing to say

After ordering their food they take it to a corner

table

His first happy meal he tries to speak but he isn’t

able

Biting into his burger Spank bites a piece of

Pickle ‘Yuck’ and he throws it to the floor

His Mum yells ‘spank don’t jerk the Gherkin

or you will have an accident’

Spanks Dad Jack finally arrives his Mum says

Jack you late?

His Dad replies ‘No I am just happy to see you two’

Spank then tells his Mum that he has to Poo

She takes him to the little Boys room

And Spank does his crap

His Mum yells out ‘ Do you want me to wipe your

arse ‘

Spank think can you say it a little louder sometimes

Mum has no class

Arriving home Spank goes outside to play with his

friends

They still rib him about his name they ask ‘Have

you done it yet have you spanked the Monkey

Spank doesn’t understand how can you do your name?

Getting home just in time for Dinner Spank goes and

washes his hands

Tonight it Roast Chicken and Butterscotch Pudding

Dad starts to carve the Chicken but he doesn’t do a very

good job

Spanks Mum yells ‘Jack don’t Choke The Chicken

and watch out for bones

After the Chicken it is time for the Pudding

Spanks Dad goes to the Oven and pulls the rack

out too fast

Spanks mum yells ‘Jack don’t Pull The Pud just

take it easy

After eating Spanks goes and washes his hands

that Chicken was really greasy

Then it is time to do his chores today he has to go

around the House and wipe all the door knobs clean

Spanks Dad tells him ‘Remember Spank you have to rub

the knob really hard’

Spank is growing up fast and he is now a teenager

And something is happening downstairs

That big thing sticking out has caught him unawares

He puts his hand on it and his whole body tingles

This is a new sensation

This thing they call masturbation

Things begin to escalate quickly and Spank finds

himself in a sticky situation

Now he understands why he was teased about his

name

For that he has his Parents to blame

What were they thinking?

What were they drinking?

M

Dragons Breath

30 Saturday May 2015

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Deep inside middle Earth  lives a group of fire

breathing Dragons

Well I say fire breathing

But all that they are breathing now is smoke

Their fire has been extinguished

Now they are very undistinguished

They have lost their spark

You are not a true Dragon if you cant breathe fire

It is like a Bird that cant fly

Or a Fish that cant swim

The Dragons are getting worried

So the Elders call a special meeting

They need to find a solution

So they consult a mystical sorcerer

The sorcerer reads a old and worn Dragon

medical journal

And he mixes up a foul smelling potion of secret

herbs and spices

The KFC of the Dragon world

A young Dragon couple named Mr and Mrs Rockpile

Are expecting their first baby

They are also to be the Guinea Pigs

Mrs Rockpile drinks the potion and straight away she

feels a heat building up deep inside

The pregnancy goes well and Mrs Rockpile is getting

very very wide

Three months later their Son Barney is born

He is the perfect Baby

And he sleeps through most of the night

Barney has a drink of Baby formula for

breakfast

Mrs Rockpile taps Barney on the back

To bring up his wind

The Dragon community has gathered around

in the hope that Barney might burp up a spurt

of fire

But all they get is a puff of smoke

For one year Barney burps nothing but smoke

There is not even a flicker of flame

On his first birthday his family decide to throw

Barney a birthday party

After Barney with the help of his Mum unwraps

his presents

It is time for the birthday cake

In the  middle of the cake is one unlit candle

Mum and Dad tell Barney to breathe fire

So that he can light the candle

Barney concentrates real hard

Says a prayer to the fire Gods

And then he lets rip

Out comes a little puff of smoke

But then there is a thunderous sound

And out shoots a wall of flame

Like a flamethrower from hell

The birthday cake is melted

And the family and guests run as the house

burns to the ground

The whole valley rumbled with that fire breathing

sound

All of the Female Dragons are given the potion to drink

And one by one more fire breathing Dragons are born

Barneys Mum gives birth is a Son they call Connor

And to mark the occasion a BBQ is arranged

Barney as the first of the new breed of fire breathing

Dragons is the guest of honour

Barney is asked to light the BBQ

And he does as he is asked

All goes well and the Dragons enjoy some Brontosauras

burgers

Soon the valley is full of fire breathing Dragons

And Dragons are once again back to where they belong

Ruling centre Earth

Everybody knows that erupting Volcanos  is the breathe

of an angry Dragon

Sometimes Volcanos become extinct and they can lay

dormant for years

And then Dragons will breathe fire again

The Legend lives on

I Want Your Genes (By Any Means )

26 Tuesday May 2015

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I am only five foot eight

I would like to be six foot four

I have long brown hair

I wish that it was black

I wish I had an IQ of 150 or more

Maybe 140 would do

I don’t want to be me no more

I want to be you

I follow a guy out of the gym

six foot four and black hair

walking along without a care

But his hair could do with a trim

I don’t want to be me

I want to be him

As he gets close to his car

I knock him to the ground

And I am on to him in one mighty bound

Then with my knife I slit his wrist

And give his neck a hard twist

His neck breaks with a loud snap

After I drink his blood

I am going to take a little nap

I drink his blood like a Vampire on speed

I swallow down three litres to satisfy my need

I steal my donors car and drive home as fast as I can

Hopefully  when I wake up tomorrow

I will be a new man

Sitting in my lounge chair

I feel a bit under the weather

Maybe drinking his blood wasn’t so clever

I am type 0 he must have been a type A

I race to the toilet and give it a good spray

I really need some new genes

Mine are tired and worn

I will get them by any means

Then I will be reborn

I see my next donor waiting to cross

at the lights

I race up behind him and rip out a

handful of hair

And I run away as fast as a hare

He had the hair colour and the height

that I want

He looked pretty smart

Hopefully his genes will fit

And I will cease to exist

I don’t want to be me

I want to be my donor

I don’t want to be

A short dumb loner

I get home and put the hair and some

water into a blender

I f this works I am gonna go on a bender

I blast for a minute or two

I don’t want to be me

I want to be you

I swallow down the concoction

Hair and hopefully Genes and DNA

Then the new me will be here to stay

But then I start to feel a little queasy

Why cant anything be goddamn easy

Again I race to the toilet

just down the hall

But all that I do is cough up a nasty little

hair ball

I really need some new Genes

Mine are a bad fit

I will get them by any means

Then I will be it

Now I am getting desperate

I know the source of my pain

I need the Genes from a new Brain

While I am at it I might as well eat the Heart

and the Bone Marrow

All I need now is a scalpel and a wheel barrow

My new donor doesn’t know what hit him

As I sneak up behind

He is the right height and I hope he is of

sound mind

One slice of my scalpel opens his throat

and he falls into my barrow

Another slice opens his spine exposing

the juicy Marrow

I slurp it down with a satisfying sigh

Then I wheel him away

His sightless eyes

look to the sky

I find a secluded spot and with a rock

I expose his Brain

With both hands I scoop it out

and eat it all down

Hopefully new Genes I will have found

His Heart is next and I eat it bloody

and raw

That’s it I am full I cant eat no more

Then in an ironic twist of fate

The Police catch me because of my own

Genes and DNA

My own body has given me away

I am writing this story from a home for the

mentally unstable

I will never be released

And for that the world should be grateful

Because

I still want your Genes by any means.

The Seagull And The Chip

21 Thursday May 2015

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Bertie the Seagull is getting too big for his feathers

He hangs around his local beach in all types of weathers

Sunshine or rain he doesn’t care if his feathers get wet

Bertie loves his food he will eat anything he can get

Anything will do but his favourite is hot chips

Even thinking about them will add inchs to his hips

He had his first taste of chips when he was just a chick

Now they are a habit that he just cant kick

Crispy on the outside fluffy within bertie just cant help

himself

He would even fly into a store and take them straight

off the shelf

Bertie knows that he has a problem his bathroom mirror

doesn’t lie

He is getting a little gut he can barely walk let alone fly

He remembers the morning when he went to the mirror

and had a look

And he saw that he has more chins then a Chinese

telephone book

Bertie decides that he needs help with his situation

He knows that all he has to do is resist temptation

But those goddamn chips taste so salty and good

He knows that he has to eat better

If only he could

On his way to see his Doctor Bretie stops off at the

beach

Hopefully he will find a chip within easy reach

Just then he sees a kid eating chips out of a little bucket

He knows he shouldn’t but ‘fuck it’

He swoops down and grabs a chip out of the kids hand

He eats it inflight he doesn’t even land

He arrives at the Doctors to get the help he needs

Hopefully the Doctor will be quick so he can go and get a feed

The Doctor says to’Cut out the chips and saturated fats and eat

more oily Fish

Bertie knows that he only has one wish

He wishes that the world was one giant hot chip

A few weeks later Bertie goes back to his mirror for another look

He cant believe his eyes he is at a lose

He doesn’t look like a Seagull more like a freaking Albatross

It is like his mirror is a magnifying glass

He has a big stomach and an even bigger arse

Bertie rubs his eyes he cant believe what he is seeing

How can something that tastes so good be so bad for you

Bertie knows exactly what he has to do

He has to go on a diet he has to lose some weight

He has to do it now before it is too late

No more Pies Sausage Rolls Dim Sims and especially

those dreaded Hot Chips

None of that bad stuff will ever again pass his lips

Or in Berties case beak

Seagulls don’t have lips

But they sure do like Hot Chips

Bertie starts an exercise regime

He wants to get buff he wants to get lean

He goes on long flights he lives his life on the wing

He breathes the fresh air and hardly eats a thing

Bertie joins a gym and bought himself a muscle shirt

He lifts weights until his muscles hurt

Bertie became the leanest keenest Seagull in the neighbourhood

He is feeling proud of himself he is feeling good

To celebrate his newfound foray into the world of fitness

Bertie decides to go for a dip

And as God is my witness he swims straight into a water logged

Hot Chip

Berties mind is racing his Heart skips a beat

As he eyes his favourite treat

Then his nose gets a whiff of that tiny morsel

The aroma of the French Frie

Bertie tries to ignore the smell of that fried piece of spud

It is like Potato has become his best bud

Bertie opens his beak and the Chip slides on past

Temptation has been resisted

Bertie starts to swim mighty fast in the opposite direction

Now Bertie knows that he has the strength to resist

But from now on he will eat nothing but fresh Fish

Bertie soars with the breeze his head is held high

Bertie is the proudest Seagull in the sky.