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Driving Under The Influence ( Of Money )

16 Sunday Aug 2015

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Brandon Caulfield III was born under a bad sign

But he thought it was good

His family lived in a big house

in the right neighbourhood

They say that some people are born with a silver spoon in their

mouths

Well Brandon was born with the whole cutlery set

A bigger spoilt brat you have never met

His family made there fortune in Oil Timber and Cotton

It makes you wonder why Brandon turned out so rotten

His forebears owned one of the biggest plantations

In the southern part of the nation

At his first day at school Brandon was driven by his Nanny

They arrived in a big shiny Mercedes Benz

Brandon has family he doesn’t need any friends

He went inside and he told the Teacher that he was the head

of the class

The other Students looked at him like he was a Cockroach

There was just something about him so they didn’t approach

Brandon thought that he was the master of the ceremony

He thought that the Sun rose at his asking

He loves the spotlight he can do some basking

Brandon Caulfield III is special just ask him

He lives and breathes for the family money

In this land of Milk and Honey

At Fifteen Brandon met a girl named Roxanne

And after a few weeks they began to go steady

Brandon treated her bad he used her like trash

He thinks he can do anything because his family has cash

A few months later Brandon wasn’t wearing any protection

And he planted his dirty seed

Roxanne was left all on her lonesome

Brandon didn’t care and he headed for the hills

Cause he knew that his Daddy would take care of the bills

When Brandons Daddy heard of the situation

He sent a heavy around to Roxannes place

$100,000 should take care of the situation

Plus a few slaps of gentle persuasion

Brandon meanwhile had started to meddle with drink

and drugs

He used his mouth and his fists a little too much

He was always off his face he was starting to lose touch

Daddy didn’t disciple Brandon he just gave him more money

Surely money will make the problem go away

But the problem is a big one and it is here to stay

Ice Meth Speed Brandon has tried them all

He drinks it down with Bourbon up straight

Daddy megabucks better wake up before it is to late

But Daddy cant see the forest through all of the trees

Brandon needs help he needs some rehabilitation

But Daddy has other ideas of how to deal with the situation

He gets one of his sidekicks to drag Brandon home

Brandon is dragged inside kicking and screaming

No more drugs or Jim Beaming

For three months Brandon is locked in his room

He is going stir crazy but the drugs are slowly leaving

his system

There are no more drugs hidden in the toilet cistern

To celebrate Brandons success Daddy buys him a brand new

Corvette

Brandon is Eighteen and eager to please

But his whole world is about to fall to its knees

Brandon is just driving around just cruising

Then he visits his old drug dealer to get a little something

But he takes more then he should

And his Brain cant cope nobodies could

Then he visits a liquor store and gets back behind the wheel

But the combination of the drink and drugs has pushed his

body too far

He shouldn’t even be walking let alone driving a car

Brandon doesn’t see the Stop sign and he drives straight through

it

There is a sound of broken glass and metal

Then the sounds of sirens and crying

Brandon just killed five people and he wasn’t even trying

His car has T Boned a Cadillac the people inside didn’t stand

a chance

The crying is coming from Brandon as he climbs from his Corvette

If he thinks he has seen trouble

He hasn’t seen nothing yet

Brandon just wanders around he hasn’t even got a scratch

The Cops give him a roadside test to see if he is sober

But Brandon is incoherent they know that he is well over

Brandon is taken to the local precinct and placed under arrest

He calls his Daddy who screams down the phone

And Brandon knows that he isn’t going home

Even now Daddy tries to buck the system and he attempts to

bribe the Judge

The Judge gives Daddy a mouthful then he calls the Sheriff

Daddy is placed in handcuffs

Yeah Daddy enough is enough

He still thinks that his money makes him immune

Daddy is going for how long I cant tell

Maybe he and Brandon can share the same cell

Brandon has his day in court and he is charged with the murder

of five people

The Judge gives him five life sentences

Brandon hangs his head as he is led away

Where he is going you cant see the Sun

The law and karma have come together

to take away his fun.

THE END.

Thank you for taking the time to read one of my stories and if you have the means could you please make a donation so i can achieve my goal of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

Destructo

09 Sunday Aug 2015

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Destructo is a Machine

Nobody knows where it comes from

Or who controls it

Destructo travels the Universes swallowing up all the

Space junk.

It weaves between the Planets and Moons sucking up

all the Floatsam & Jetsam that Humans and Humanoids

have discarded.

The year is 4074 and Humankind can no longer live on

Earth.

The Planet is a toxic wasteland polluted by Nuclear fallouts.

Caused by Human ignorance and stupidity.

Fortunately Humans have established settlements on a few

Planets plus a large population on Earths Moon.

Mars is home to ten thousand Neptune about five thousand

and another five thousand call Saturn home

But the biggest population is on the Moon where fifty thousand

plus people have lived since 4050

Destructo is doing its rounds cleaning up the debris Satellites

Space Capsules it is constantly amazed by the amount of junk

that is floating around.

But Destructo isn’t complaining it is proud to be a Space Janitor

But there is a dark side to Destructo it is being monitored by a

sinister cartel of Orbs and Ruins

Humanoids of the most evil kind

They want to control the Universes the Orbs are the dominant

partner

But the Ruins have the Brains

Brains and brawn the perfect combination

Every time Destructo swallows down space junk it is

digesting information

It travels down his digestive tract and the knowledge is

absorbed

And the spam goes out of its bung hole

On the Earths Moon the United Council is having their

weekly pow wow.

Trying to keep a growing population happy isn’t easy

They live under six giant domes

Four are the living quarters one for food cultivation

And the last dome is for the water supply

Each dome is connected by corridors each dome is the

size of about ten football fields

The air supply comes from piping that sucks in the Moons

atmosphere

Then as it circumvents around the dome it is converted into

breathable air

The meeting breaks after a few hours with the only major

concern being that of boredom

And the lack of variety in the food

You can only eat so much Lentils Chick Peas and Corn

Destructo is still doing its rounds swallowing up all sorts of

metal and information

It is amazing what some Countries throw out as they do their

space explorations

As Destructo does its cleaning up service it passes by an unnamed

Planet

Destructo knows this Planet well he calls it Planet Creepoid

Every time he passes his outer shell shivers and its bung hole

quivers

Destructo is always glad to see the back of the place

Destructo has every right to feel uneasy because Planet Creepoid

is home base for the Orbs and The Ruins

The Orbs stand Eight feet tall with yellow scaly skin and a personality

like an over active Piranha

The Ruins are deformed and ugly like you would get if you crossed a

Gargoyle with a Shih Tzu

The leader of the Ruins one ugly mother who calls himself the Wise One

has his eye on Destructo and he is thinking that maybe a delegation of Ruins

could hitch a ride

And see what is on the other side

The Ruins are after their own Planet away from the domineering Orbs

The Orbs want to rule the Universe but all that the Ruins want is a Planet

to call their own

Destructo is sort of misnamed cause it really is a big soft metal Puppy

But it is big and mean looking so it came upon its moniker from an

unknown source

Destructo doesn’t know that it is being monitored by the Orbs

A seed has been planted in its upper compartment

But that seed is yet to sprout

The Wise One starts to whisper to the seed in Destructo telling

it to stop by so a boarding party can climb aboard

Destructo is feeling fuzzy he doesn’t know why it is landing on

Planet Creepoid

The Wise One and his underlings sneak onboard

Then he tells Destructo to fly to a Planet where his people can live

in peace and quiet

The leader of the Orbs a mean dominating prick named Ug has seen

Destructo take off with the Wise One stowing away

So the Wise One thinks that he can double cross Ug and get away with it

Well the Wise One is in for a surprise

Ug tries to whisper to that same seed but somehow the Wise One has blocked

his ability to get through

So Ug tells one of his subjects to prepare his Spacemobile for immediate takeoff

Destructo doesn’t know why but it is flying to the Earths Moon

He only did his clean up there a week ago

As they get closer Destructo loses all sense of control

And even though he doesn’t want to he lands on the Moons surface

And almost crashes into one of the domes

The Humans rush out only to be confronted by this huge metal machine

As big as an old fashioned Aircraft Carrier

Destructo is one mean looking machine

The Wise One sends out one of his underlings out to breathe the air

The underling survives and gives a little wave as he walks on The Moon

Oh yes The Wise One thinks this is the Planet for my people

A Planet of our own away from the Orbs

Ug the Orb Commander has followed Destructo on its flight to the Moon

So the Wise One thinks that he can just get up and leave

Just wait till he sees what I have up my sleeve

The United Council is wondering what is install for them as they watch

the ugly creature wave to the big machine

They are then left dumbfouned as they watch the machine takeoff

Lets just hope that they stay the fuck away

Destructo is still feeling fuzzy as he returns to Planet Creepoid

He watches as his stowaways disembark

He wants to get away from here before it gets dark

But there is no such luck for Destructo because Ugs thoughts are finally

getting through The Wise Ones blockage to Destructos metal Brain

Destructo feels like a Puppet with a broken string

Or a Bird with a broken wing

As the Wise One walks down the corridor to his living quarters he isn’t paying

attention and he is grabbed by two of the Orb guards and taken to the Prison

For The Damned

This is to be the Wise Ones last stand

A week later he is visited by Ug  and told that it is time for a celebration

The Orbs are about to expand their territory

All thanks to the Wise Ones sojourn to the Earths Moon

The Orbs have found a second Planet to call home

And it will be a Human free zone

The Wise One cant believe his ears this is his vision for the future

for his people

And Ug has come along and pulled the wool over his eyes

The Universe will now be full of blood red skies

In the final humiliation Ug tells him that his people will now become the

slaves for the Orbs

The Ruins are now nothing more then a people of serfdom

They no longer have a home or their freedom

The Wise One tries to protest but his vocal chords are severed by a

sharp blade

Then Ug scoops out his eye balls so he can no longer see the here

and now.

Then he slices off his ears so he cant hear the cries of his people

The Wise One is now nothing more then a shell

He is on his way to a place called Hell

Ug is feeling rather pleased with himself he has defeated his

sometime friend sometime foe

He has found a new place away from this overcrowded Planet

He is Ug the ruler of the Universe Goddammit

Destructo meanwhile has been sitting there idle feeling a little

rusty

But one thing that he knows is that his thinking is clearer

Something must have happened  his machine head is fuzzy free

He is thinking just like you and me

Ug is going to use Destructo as a Taxi Cab service

To ferry his people down to the Earths Moon

To start a new colony

To start a new chapter of the Orbs existence

Just hope that there is no resistance

But resistance there will be

Destructo is a Space Janitor he is a one machine cleaning crew

Not a transporter for an evil empire

Destructo knows that it is time to fight fire with fire

With the death of the Wise One Ug and the Orbs are using and

abusing the Ruins

The Ruins are well in Ruins they are no match for the much bigger

and stronger Orbs

Anniliation they are heading towards

Destructo is fuming there is nothing more annoying then a bully

Nothing annoys Destructo more then someone who doesn’t know their place

And that Ug is nothing more then a Dictator of the skies

It is now time for Ug to say his last goodbye

Destructo is normally a calm quiet machine

But enough is enough that Ug has to go

With a few sprays of WD40 Destructo lubes up his joints

and he is ready for battle

I f all goes as planned Ug will soon hear the death rattle

On board Destructo is a weapon that has never been used

That weapon is the Chromatimiser

It attacks the Chromozones and DNA of a targeted species

Then there is nothing left but a pile of faeces

Destructo flys back and forth over the Planet Creepoid releasing

its deadly payload

An invisible mist rains on down and the Orbs unknowingly breathe

it in

One by one the Orbs slowly unravel and they just liquefy  till they are

nothing but a stinking poo of flesh and blood

In his castle Ug is one of the last to die he cant believe that his dreams

want come to past

And then that motherfucker breathes his last

The Ruins don’t no what is happening  as they watch the Orbs dissolve

20 Million Orbs no longer exist

If that Ug was still around he would be mighty pissed

The Humans on the Moon have no idea how close they have come to

extinction

They are oblivious as they go about their business

They still live and breathe on their home away from home

Under their giant domes

Destructo is back at work cleaning up the Universes sucking up

all of the space junk

He is feeling god to be back

Destructo is just cruising around pleased to be back doing his job

But don’t get Destructo angry don’t get on his bad side

Because even in 100 universes there is nowhere to hide.

THE END.

Thank you for reading one of my stories and if you have the means could you please make a donation so i can achieve my goal of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

Grizzley

28 Tuesday Jul 2015

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Last tear a few friends and I went on a trip to Alaska

We wanted to escape the rat race live in the

wilderness and get in touch with nature.

But we got a touch too close.

Arriving in  Anchorage after a twenty six hour flight

from Sydney.

We were a bit jet lagged but looking forward to our adventure.

We rested up at Anchorage for a few days to acclimatise and

find our land legs

Then we chartered a single engine plane to fly to the back of beyond

Our plan was to be dropped off in the middle of nowhere for Seven days

With nothing but the clothes we were wearing plus some camping fishing

and hunting gear.

Our Pilot a local Innuit named Sammy Whaletooth circled around a few

times before the conditions were safe for a landing

I have to admit I am not fond of flying especially in a single engine craft

But our Pilot came in nice and steady

And the landing was as smooth as a Babies butt

We unloaded our gear and Sammy handed me a Satellite phone

to use in case of an emergency

Sammy gave us the Co ordinates  and said that he would meet us

back here in Seven days at 10.00 am

After thanking Sammy and waving goodbye the four of us stood there

for a minute

Realising that we were on our own in a Foreign Country for a week

I felt excited and scared at the same time.

But before I go any further let me introduce my three friends

Allan Anderson Graham Sharp friends of many years

And my on again off again Girlfriend Mitzy Freemont

After setting up our tents and making a fire we had some Lunch

and then we went exploring

Hoping to catch some Fish we took our Rods and a Rifle just in case

We came upon a Creek about a Mile from camp

Hopefully we can catch a shitload of Salmon

After fishing for about an hour we have caught a dozen Salmon

But you can only eat so much Fish I am hoping to bring down a Stag

Just then a little Bear cub comes running up to us

Jesus shit when there is a Bear cub you can bet your nuts that Mama Bear

isn’t far behind

I tell the others to back away and not to go near the cub

I get my Rifle ready and we start to back away

Then came a Blood curdling scream bounces off the Mountain

And fills the air with hate

Mama Bear is racing towards us she is only twenty feet away

I raise the Rifle and take aim and hope for the best

I did hit Mama Bear but only a flesh wound in her front left paw

But it was enough to stop her charge

And with one last menacing look she limped off after her Cub

The Four of us raced back to camp as fast as our Legs would go

We packed up our equipment and started to hike North

Our plan was to put some distance between us and the Grizzley Bears

We hiked for about two hours and we started to calm down a bit

We came upon a small Lake and thought that it would be a good spot

to set up

We pitched our tents and started a fire and Allan a I went hunting for Meat

Luckily for us a group of Dear were nearby

I took aim pulled the trigger and down went a small Deer

Meanwhile 15 miles away a Mama Grizzley Bears Ear pricks up at

the sound of the gunshot

She remembers that sound  she looks down at the nasty wound

in her paw

She has only one thing on her mind and that is revenge

Back at camp the four of us are eating roast Venison

We are feeling relaxed laughing and telling stories

At around Midnight everybody agrees that it is time to hit the sack

Allan goes to his tent Graham to his and Mitzy and I adjourn to our

tent of lust

Mama Grizzley can smell the cooked meat

And there is another smell the smell of Humans

The wound in her paw has turned septic and the infection is flowing

in her Blood heading to her Brain

Mitzy is feeling frisky and soon our loins are joined in a loving union

We were just about to reach Utopia when a loud roar filled the air

I pull on my underpants and race outside and by the light of the Moon

I can see Allan being dragged away by a Grizzley Bear

The Bear has Allans Head in its Jaws and with a crunch Allan is dead

We stand there stunned as the Grizzley Bear starts to feed

She just eats the choice bits and then leaves the rest for the Wolves

I grab the rifle from the tent Graham is hysterical and Mitzy is trembling

Then I remember the Satellite phone in my backback

I can hardly dial the number my fingers are numb

Come on Sammy pick up anybody pick up the phone

Christ you would think we were at the North Pole

Oh that’s right we are

Sammy finally picks up and I explain the situation and Sammy tells me

to go to the pick up point

And he will get there as fast as he can

Mama Grizzleys Brain is festering she is drooling from the mouth

But she can still smell that smell

Her Cub want be safe until that smell is gone

I smell a smell rotting Meat the smell of decay the smell of death

I cant believe my eyes as I see the Grizzley charge and it is limping

Don’t tell me that it is the same Bear that I shot?

She sure does hold a grudge it was only a misunderstanding

Graham just stands there as the Grizzley rips off his face

His body doesn’t seem to understand that it is dead

Then he falls to the ground

Then the Grizzley stands on her hind legs she stands Ten feet tall

With claws five inchs long with Teeth good for shredding and tearing

I am shitting Mitzy is peeing we don’t know what to do

Me and Grizz make eye contact and she knows that I am the man with the Gun

Before I know it she has clawed my Face the blood gets in my Eyes

I go to the ground

I feel the weight of the Bear upon me

Its breath smells like a broken sewer pipe that has been out in the Sun for a week

I say a prayer I say goodbye

I wait for the pain I wait for the end

But nothing happens

Then I realise that the weight is a dead weight

Mama Grizzley is dead

I wriggle out from under all that fur

And then I see Mitzy laying on the ground

She isn’t moving she isn’t breathing

Then I notice all the blood coming from between her legs

The Bear must have Clawed her Femerol Artery

I wrap a shirt around my head to hold it together And then I start to head south

Don’t think that I am cold hearted but there is nothing I can do for my friends

and lover

I can hardly see where I am going but I just close my mind and walk

I walk I cry I walk I cry

I am on my last legs when I finally reach the pick up point

I sit down and wait for Sammy

I hang my Head and think about the last few days

About an hour later it is not Sammy who has come to the rescue

but the Police in a Helicopter

But the first person to disembark is Sammy along with an Inspector

Morrell of the Alaskan Police

I am instructed to board the Helicopter and to point it in the right direction

The carnage is clear to see from the air and the Helicopter lands nearby

Soon Inspector Morrell that he is heading back to Anchorage and that I will

accompany him

I take one final look at the killing field

The adventure of a lifetime has turned into the adventure from hell

A week later the Qantas flight touches down in Sydney

Allan Graham Mitzy and I went to the other side of the world

And only I came back alive

I watch as the body bags are loaded on to the Hearses

And with a final salute

I say goodbye to my friends.

THE END.

Thank you for reading one of my stories and if you have the means could you please make a donation so i can become a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

Action Beanie

18 Saturday Jul 2015

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I went grocery shopping a little while back

Filling my trolley with Milk Bread  and all the items

on my list

When I came across a Beanie sitting all lonesome

on a shelf

I had to have it

It was calling my name

The Beanie is Black Blue and White with an Orange trim

It isn’t a Hat so it hasn’t got a brim

Arriving home I pack away my shopping and make myself

a Coffee

I sit admiring my new purchase my sic new action Beanie

I place it on my Head and straightaway I feel like Bruce

Willis in ‘Die Hard’ Travolta in ‘Pulp Fiction’ or Arnie in

‘Terminator 2’

I have a new found swagger

I walk the streets like I own them

My six pack is pronounced my presence is announced

All because of my sic new cool Action Beanie

Outside my window I hear a cry for help

I race outside and my neighbour is pointing up a Tree

I see a Cat sitting on a branch about twenty feet up

I take off my Action Beanie and I hold it out like a safety

blanket

And I yell to the Cat ‘Jump’ It lets out a hiss and says a wish

and then it is airborne

It lands in the blankie and the owner says ‘Why thank ye’

I just made my first rescue

All because of my sic new cool trend setting Action Beanie

Just then I see a little old lady trying to cross the road

I rush over and grab her by the arm and try to lead her across

But she yells at me and says ‘Get your hands off me you little

Weenie’

I feel my face turning Red in my sic new cool trend setting trail

blazing Action Beanie

Enough with the Red faces I am a man of adventure

Superman wouldn’t blush Ironman wouldn’t rust Spiderman

wouldn’t get caught in his own web

Batman wouldn’t run back to his cave

Enough of this negative shit I have people to save

Driving to work one morning I have to stop for some Petrol

After filling I go to pay the Attendant when I notice a commotion

inside

Some freak on Ice wants a free ride

I have no time for free loaders they really get on my Goat

So I steady myself and deliver a Bruce Lee kick to his throat

Well the Ice mans eyes bulge out and down he goes

I am feeling proud of myself in my sic new cool trend setting

trail blazing shit kicking Action Beanie

Being a trainee Super Hero can be rather tiring

My Brain is numb it needs some rewiring

Maybe I need a brand new shiny cape

Just then I hear someone shout ‘Rape’

I think the shout is coming from across the street

I race over to see a Girl naked being molested by a small

dicked intruder

I have to move fast before the situation gets any ruder

With a kick to the gonads the perp is on the ground

The victim is in shock but she is starting to come around

The Police are on the way another thug is off the streets

All thanks to my sic new cool trend setting trail blazing shit

kicking arresting Action Beanie

There is never a dull moment about a week later I am at my local

Bank

Just standing in line when a Balaclava wearing bandit enters with

a Gun in his hand

People start to scream and panic

The bandit tells everybody to lie on the ground

I am laying there thinking my Heart is sinking

But then I think of a plan to bring down Mr Criminal Man

He is standing there about ten feet away

I take off my Beanie and I throw it like a Frisbee

And the Gun is knocked from his Fingers

It is not over yet the smell of fear still lingers

We both go for the Gun at the same time but it is justout

of reach

We struggle for a little while but then I start to smile

I can feel the fight going out of him

I thrust a Knee up between his legs

His Eggs are scrambled and he vomits up his lunch

To my Action Beanie I say thanks a bunch

Down goes another big bad Mr Meanie

All because of my sic new cool trend setting trail blazing

shit kicking arresting ball breaking Action Beanie

Just then I detect a smell of smoke a House is on Fire

I better be quick things are going down to the wire

I arrive at the scene to be met by a wall of flames

A Lady runs up to me and says ‘Hurry Action Beanie Man

my Son was playing with Matches he is the one to blame

But he didn’t mean it he was just playing a game’

Action Beanie Man I like the sound of that

But now isn’t the time for any self satisfaction

It is the time for my Beanie to spring into action

I am broken out of my trance the  Lady is screaming that

her Son has gone back inside to rescue his Kittens

Maybe when this situation is extinguished I will buy my Beanie

some matching Mittens

But once again I digress and I spring into Super Hero mode

My Shoulders struggle under this heavy load

But I am  a trainee Super Hero and in my Beanie I trust

It is now or never or bust

I throw my Beanie into the air and it expands into a giant Fire

soaking sponge and the Fire is doused

But the family will have to build a new house

The Son and the Kittens are soaking but they are alive another happy

ending

All because of my sic new cool trend setting trail blazing shit kicking arresting

ball breaking fire dousing Action Beanie

So if you need some help with a situation

Any job big or small or anything inbetweenie

Just call 1800 Action Beanie.

THE END.

Thank you for reading one of my stories and if you have the means could you please make a donation so i can achieve my goal of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

Victor The Voodoo Doll

10 Friday Jul 2015

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I was sitting at home pissed off at the world

And all the people who live in it

I am tired of being disrespected

Taking their shit taking the hit

I thought it is time to get some revenge

It is time to hit back

So I was drinking thinking thinking drinking

My Brain was going into overdrive

My revenge will crack the sky

I started to think about Ouija Boards Tarot Cards

and all sorts of Black Magic

Witches Goblins Dracula and all things on the

dark side

I want to hit them with everything that I have

One big freaking Magic trick

Then I remembered a story about a bridge where

you had to pay a toll

The money went to a nasty little Troll

But then I thought no I will make a Voodoo

Doll

I started with a foam ball for the head

I wrapped the ball with string

I stuck on two Buttons for the Eyes

A few Black stitches make the mouth

For the body I used a heat pack that I wrapped

in string

Then I got two Cricket stumps that I tied together

to form a cross

To the cross I attached the Head and Body

The stumps formed two arms and a Leg

I picked up the Voodoo Doll and I walked around

my lounge room

I had to give it a test run

I race to the Kitchen drawer and grab myself a Pin

I can hardly wait to stick it in

I think of a person who deserves the Voodoo Doll

revenge

My bully from School I will avenge

I don’t want to be cruel so I stick the pin in his Leg

It is a pity I cant hear him scream and beg

Just then the room is filled by a piercing scream

It feels like I am having a bad dream

A voice says ‘Ouch don’t do that again’

I look down to see my Voodoo Doll standing on

the Coffee Table

I try to form some words but I am not able

The Voodoo Doll says ‘My name is Victor I come

from Medieval times I come in many shapes and forms

Unicorn Goblin Werewolf Bigfoot and Troll’

‘I come to you in the shape of a Voodoo Doll

My Mouth is hanging open as that 30 cm tall piece of

foam and string continues to talk

‘I come from the time of King Arthur Merlin the Lady

In The Lake and Lancelot’

‘The time of myths and legends’

‘You have brought me here as a Voodoo Doll’

‘S you want me to perform  some sort of Voodoo’

‘Like I am a Voodoo Hoodoo Guru’

As I listen to Victor talk I feel my skin crawl

There is something about him that I don’t trust

Then the spit in my mouth turns to dust

Even though I don’t want to

I listen to him like I am in a trance

My Brain is numb my Heart has turned to stone

I am like a Dog who cant remember where he buried

his bone

Victor tells me that whenever I am in his presence he will

perform the duties of a Voodoo Doll

As long as I am prepared to pay the toll

Am I prepared ? Can I afford the price ?

I decide to take the risk and I tell Victor of a Bank

teller who was a little unfriendly

But I know that I have to tread carefully Victor is a little

scary

I have to be like a mine shaft Canary very wary

Arriving at the bank I point out the Teller to Victor

He tells me he gets the picture

He says that when I stick the pin in him the Teller

will feel the pain

I go to stick the pin in but Victor moves at the last

second

He did it on purpose I reckon

So instead of the pin going in his thigh

It went in Victors left Eye

The Teller lets out an almighty scream

Her hands go straight to her face

Blood seeps through her fingers going all over the

place

What is happening ?

I cant believe my eyes

What if the Teller drops down and dies ?

I don’t want a Voodoo doll no more

Things are getting out of control

I want to go back to before

I don’t want a Voodoo Doll no more

Victor lets out a laugh and does a little jig

I scream at him ‘What the frig’

‘Nobody was supposed to get hurt that teller could go

blind’

Why are Voodoo Dolls so unkind?

But Victor couldn’t care less he is addicted to the pain

To him it is all just a laugh it is all just a game

I have had enough and I carry Victor home

But he doesn’t go easy it looks like the Dog has found

its bone

Victor needs to be dismantled and I place him in a vice

I start to undo the string I don’t even think twice

But then an evil wind blows into my shed

He carries a pitchfork and has horns on his head

I can feel the heat from the infernal fire

Things have gone from bad to worse they are looking

very dire

The air is sucked from the room as the intruder starts to speak

Let me introduce myself in case do didn’t know,I am the Evil  one

Lucifer Satan The Devil I go by many names’

He looks at me with the Demon eye and says’You should know

that if you play with fire you will get burnt’

I can feel my hair singe my skin starts to blister and peel

The pain starts to feel very real

Just then Victor speaks up and I like what he has to say

‘Come on Master give the guy a break’

‘He didn’t know that a bit of fun could turn into a whole lot

of hurt’

‘So let him go and you can win some brownie points from

the people’

Before the Devil can reply I shout out ‘Yeah Mr Devil please

let me go’

‘But before you go can you do me a favour?’

‘Come over here and kiss my lily white arse and then get the

fuck out of here’

The Devil is steaming his eyes start to bulge

I think ‘Jesus me and my mouth maybe I said a little to much’

‘Maybe I have lost my magic touch’

The Devil lets out a thunderous demonic laugh and stares me

right in the Eye

He picks up his pitchfork and he gives my chest a poke

And then he and Victor disappear in a puff of smoke.

‘i

I thinl

Crazy Man

04 Saturday Jul 2015

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A crazy man is wandering the streets

With wild hair he shuffles his feet

He doesn’t know where he is going

He doesn’t know where he has been

He lives on the edge of society

somewhere in between

Crazy mans head is in a different space

He is not quite part of the Human race

He lives his life under a dark cloud

The buzzing in his head

is getting real loud

Crazy man just wanders around in a daze

His mind is in a Purple haze

Now the colour has turned to Black

Something is about to happen

Something to gonna snap

Crazy mans problems started

when he was a young lad

All the other kids thought

he could be had

Crazy man bruised and used

But worst of all he was sexually abused

Crazy man started to wander up and down

a long black trail

That is when he knew that he was coming

off the rails

Naked as a Jaybird howling at the Moon

Crazy man is singing a looney tune

Only Fifteen at the time he has been

through a lot of crap

Even though he runs he cant escape the trap

Five kids grab him and pull down his shorts

The memory of it still haunts

Crazy man is tied to a Tree

He is sprayed with Semen

He is covered in pee

That is when Crazy man tried to become

invisible

He had his first attempt at suicide

You can run but you cant hide

Crazy man withdrew  from the world

and he became a recluse

Nobody wants to know you when

you have a screw loose

Crazy man is always alone

even in a crowded room

He wants to be accepted

He just wants to live his life

He just has to stay away

from the sharp edged knife

Crazy man has always been rejected

He is always the odd man out

Just try to know him

And see what he is all about

Crazy man isn’t perfect

But he always tries his best

Just give him a chance

And give the a abuse a fucking rest

Even though Crazy man tries to be

invisible

He always seems to get in the way

He doesn’t mean to

He is just looking for a safe place to stay

Crazy Man has always been down

Forever getting pushed to the ground

When he tries to get back up

He is kicked in the guts

He is down no ifs or buts

Crazy man thinks what is the use

in getting back up

Things always go from bad to worse

His life is one big mother fucking curse

Crazy man is still with us

he has reached middle age

He lives alone in a silent rage

He doesn’t understand why he is

always the target of abuse

Why get back up?

Whats the fucking use

But Crazy man is a survivor

he want go down without a fight

He will give it all that he has

He will give it all his might

You are probably wondering who the

Crazy man is?

Who could he be?

Well when I look in the mirror

I realise that the Crazy man is me

This story is dedicated to all the fucking

arseholes who made my life a living hell

This is a story that I didn’t want to tell

But I had to get it off my chest

And hopefully  put all the crap to rest

Nobody wants to know

F

Louisiana Freight Train

27 Saturday Jun 2015

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Forty five years ago today a champion was born

He wasn’t born a champion that came later on

He was born Calvin Dupree

He had skin as black as Ebony

He lived in the outer suburbs of Baton Rogue

Louisiana

They say he was a bad penny with a very short fuse

Calvins Mama worked three jobs just to put food on

the table

But still there was never enough food to eat

His clothes were all hand me downs

He wore no shoes on his feet

Calvins Papa walked out on the day he was born

He didn’t want to be tied down

He didn’t want to take responsibility

Calvin never got to meet his Papa and it is a good

thing that he didn’t

His Papa did a lot of things and most of them he shoudnt

In his teenage years Calvin lived his life on the streets

Just trying to survive

Shop lifting mugging anything to help his Mama pay the rent

As soon as he gets some money it is already spent

When he was Fifteen he robbed the wrong person

And he was arrested

Then next morning he appeared at the Juvenile Court

The Judge gave him three years in detention

Calvin thinks that he got three years because of the

colour of his skin

He is Black did I forget to mention

He arrives at detention with a chip on his shoulder

And a fire in his belly

He doesn’t like to be locked away or confined

Being put away does something to your mind

The following day at lunch Calvin is standing in the food

line

When a White Gang banger tries to push in front

Calvin throws a punch and Whitey goes down like a bag

of shit

And all it took was one hit

With that single punch Calvin got himself a reputation

A skinny Black kid who could punch like a sledge hammer

He toughest little Black kid in this freaking slammer

Over the next couple of years took on any inmate who wanted to

fight

Calvin won every fight and he inflicted a whole lot of pain

And that is where he got the name Freight Train

The Warden got wind of Calvins fondness for throwing

his fists

And two guards escorted him  to the Wardens office

The Warden told Calvin that in two weeks time he was going

home

He tells Calvin to keep his hands to himself stay out of trouble

and you are home free

So Calvin does what the Warden asks and he behaves like

a choir boy

He goes to the Prison church and says a prayer

But underneath he is a fighter so beware

Upon his release Calvin goes straight back to his old ways

Robbing stealing making the same mistakes that he did before

Mistakes that he cant afford to make no more

About a week later he is just walking along the street when he comes

upon a Gym

So he goes inside and signs up and starts to lift weights bench

press skip rope and shadow box

One day while doing his exercises a Boxing match is  in progress

When one of the fighters goes down in the first round the other fighter

is frustrated he wants a more intense workout

Calvin who is getting bigger and bigger goes to the side of the

ring and offers to take the losers place

Calvin climbs into the ring wearing gloves and head gear

for the first time

His opponent is a little cocky and blaise

Calvin feints to the left then throws a right upper cut

His opponents head snaps back and his lights go out

And that folks is the end of the bout

All the bystanders are stunned and one of them asks ‘Kid what

is your name? he answers with

‘They call me the Louisiana Freight Train’

Well the Train has left the Station it is rolling down the track

It is an express it doesn’t make any stops

It is on its way straight to the top

Over the next few months Freight Train fights and defeats all

of the other Boxers who step in the ring

Not one fight goes past the first round

Freight Train is the best fighter pound for pound

A Promoter does he want to turn Professional

‘I could make you  the next Cassius Clay so what do you say?’

Freight Train nods his head and says that he is ready

His first Professional fight is set for three months time

Three months later and the Baton Rogue Fighters Club is

a sell out

Freight Train opponent is a old pro named Typhoon Larry

Typhoon is the State champion and he has been for years

He has had 52 fights and he has won them all by knockout

If a Freight Train and a Typhoon ever meet who would win?

Well you are about to find out

Both fighters touch gloves and the fight is on

Freight Train steps forward and unleashes a volley of punchs

Typhoon Larry doesn’t know what hit him and he hits the canvass

And he isn’t getting up

The referee counts Typhoon Larry

Freight Train is the new State champion

He celebrates with fifty grand in his pocket

It is the most money he has ever seen

He sends half to his Mama and the other half goes in the Bank

Suddenly Freight Trains name gets the attention of Fox and CNN

He is all Red White and Blue

He is fighting for me he is fighting for you

For the next three years Freight Train slowly works his way

up the rankings

He currently sits at number Eight in the World

He wants a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship belt

A month later Freight Trains Manager tells him that if he wins his next fight

He will get a shot at the title

He could be the next Champion

Freight Train works his ass off he trains the house down

He is at peak fitness he is ready to fight

This fight will either make or break him

Fight night arrives and Freight Train enters the ring

He his up against the favourite Rod ‘The Brick ‘ Simpson who

has never been defeated in his 20 fights

Freight Train is also undefeated 29 fights 29 knockouts

For the first Five rounds both Boxers trade blows ‘ The Brick ‘

has a cut under his left eye

At the start of the Sixth round Freight Train walks up and hits Simpson

on his Jaw

And  ‘The Brick ‘ hits the floor

The Referee counts to Ten and ‘ The Brick ‘ is counted out

The crowd is stunned then they erupt in cheers

Once again Freight Train has delivered the goods

The World title fight is set for April 13 Six months from now

At Madison Square Garden against the World Champion

The Bulgarian Nicoli Spazovich

FreightTrain now has more money then he could ever spend

He owns 3 houses and about 29 Cars

He is on the cover of every sports magazine

But none of that matters all he wants is to be crowned as the World

Champion

The six months go by fast but Freight Train is more then ready for the

challenge

If he wins he will become the richest fighter the World has ever seen

Madison Square Garden is a sell out

And there is a Global audience of 2 Billion people

The is being billed as East versus West

Some also think that it is Black versus White

One thing that Freight Train knows is that he probably want

win by knockout he will have to wear the Bulgarian out

The signals fight on and both Boxers try to stare each other down

They trade punches for the first Eight rounds Freight Train is slowly

wearing the Bulgarian down with body punches

The bell sounds for the start of the last round and Freight Train is just

ahead on points

He tries to deliver the killer punch but the Bulgarian is cagey

and he holds Freight Train against the ropes

With 20 seconds to go Freight Train knows that it is now

or never

He cocks his right arm but then he delivers a left cross to the head

of the Bulgarian who staggers across the ring by the force of the punch

then he cant do nothing but land on his back

And he doesn’t get up

The crowd goes ballistic and Freight Train raises his gloves in victory

He is now the World Heavyweight Champion of the world

The press the next call the final blow ‘The Punch Of The Century’

Freight Train defends his title against all comers for the next Eight

years but he knows that he is losing his edge

So at a press conference he announces his retirement from

Professional Boxing

Ali Spinks Tyson foreman Frasier and now Freight Train

Now and forever people will remember that name.

Freight Train defends his title against

Lonely Tears And Chandeliers

19 Friday Jun 2015

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This is a story about a Southern belle named Savannah

Mae Huxtable

Who lives on a ranch outside Fort Worth Texas

She wears designer clothes and drives a shiny

new Lexus

Savannah Mae and her husband Billy Bob live at

her Grandpappys old family mansion

With eight bathrooms five bathrooms and ten staff

at her beck and call

It is no wonder that Savannah Mae feels like the  best

belle at the ball

But Savannah Mae is feeling so Goddamn lonely

Billy Bob is always with his wheeling and dealing

He hasn’t got a clue how Savannah Mae is feeling

When Savannah Mae is feeling a little down

She goes to her favourite part of the house

The huge entrance foyer

The walls are full of priceless originals

The room is full of classic sculptors

But her favourite is the Italian chandelier that hangs

from the ceiling

It seems to know how she is feeling

Savannah Mae sits on the palatial stairs

And watches that chandelier gleam

She just sits there and dreams her dream

One lonely tear slides down her face

Her dream is to be in a happy place

The chandelier senses her mood

Savannah Mae looks at that chandelier like she

is hypnotised

And slowly that tear drop dries

Billy Bob arrives home around midnight

Savannah Mae pretends to be asleep

But she cant resist having a little peep

Billy Bob is hiding something in the dressing table

drawer

Savannah Mae closes her eyes and dreams her

dream once more

About an hour later Savannah Mae is awoken by

movement in the bed

Billy Bob is lying beside her she smells a strange scent

in the air

It is coming from Billy Bob it is all through his hair

So Billy Bob is having an affair

Savannah Mae has suspected for a while now

All of his strange moods

Staying at work till late at night

But Savannah Mae wont give up her marriage

without a fight

Savannah Mae is distraught it is just as she thought

Billy Bob has taken her for a fool

If Billy Bob can have some southern comfort

Then so can she

She will find herself some bad company

Her bad company comes in the shape of ranch manager

Randy Axelrod

No words are exchanged just a simple nod

Savannah Mae is taken bent over the kitchen table

With no foreplay or even a kiss she is not ready

So the sex is painful and completely degrading

To Randy she is just a piece of meat

She drives home dripping blood onto the drivers seat

Arriving home she has a shower to wash away the shame

She hangs her head in remorse

But you cant turn back time of course

She sits on the stairs weeping some lonely tears

Staring up at that chandelier thinking about what she

has done

Thinking about what she has become

She goes up to her bedroom and tries to open the dressing

table but it is locked

What has Billy Bob hidden in there/

A gun condoms her his piece on the side

Savannahs Mae mind is going around and around

She has tried her best to be a good loving wife

So why is Billy Bob fooling around?

Savannah Mae is in the need of some more southern

comfort

This time it comes in the shape of a bottle of Scotch

Sitting on the stairs the lonely tears are flowing

And the chandelier is glowing

After about six glasses of the single Malt

She comes to the conclusion that everything is her fault

The chandelier whispers in her ear

Savannah Mae your time is here

Savannah Mae goes to her bed with the Scotch and a

bottle of pills

And one by one she swallows the lot

She closes her eyes and just slips away

She will never again she a Sunrise

Unless Billy Bob can save the day?

Billy Bob arrives home to find his wife comatose on the bed

An empty bottle of Scotch and pills by her head

He calls 911 and the paramedics arrive just in time

It is touch and go but they think that Savannah Mae will

be just fine

A few days later she gets home from the hospital

Frail but glad to be home

But what is in the dresser drawer?

She confronts Billy Bob about his affair and the locked

drawer

Billy Bob goes to the dresser and unlocks the drawer

And pulls out two tickets to London

A surprise for their tenth wedding anniversary

Savannah Mae doesn’t know what to say

How could she be so dumb?

She has let her emotions take over and then some

Billy Bob gets down on one knee and tells Savannah Mae

that ‘You are the only one for me forever and ever our hearts are

entwined until the end of time’

Savannah Mae and Billy Bob are now in a London suite renewing

their vows

They barely leave the room

Who needs Big Ben Buckingham Palace the Eye and the London

Tower

Cause we all know that love has the power

Back at home the chandelier whispers to an empty room

‘What about the smell of perfume?”

But that is another story

Captain Crunch

14 Sunday Jun 2015

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I live in the Northern Territory on the edge of Kakadu

National Park.

Where the Aboriginals paint their dot art on Coolabar

bark

My home is a mobile one I call it ‘The Shack’

It is the most run down piece of crap in the whole

Outback.

But I call it home and it has been for fifty years or

more

I have nothing worth stealing so I don’t even bother

to lock my door.

My most prized possession lives around the back

In a fenced off Lagoon a little ways down the track

I am talking about my pet Crocodile that I have named

Captain Crunch

Crunch is the sound that you hear when he bites on some

bones

or cracks open a skull

Captain Crunch is many things but he is never dull

Captain Crunch loves his lunch and he is never late

for dinner

He is partial to a midnight snack

If Captain Crunch had his way he would eat 24 hours

a day

I have owned Captain Crunch for forty years since I was ten

years of age

Now he is Five metres long and full of rage

I walk down the track to where Captain Crunch is waiting

for his meal

Everyone loves their dinner I know just how he feels

His meal today is Kangaroo road kill

Captain Crunch comes rushing out of the water like a

locomotive speeding down a hill

Wham and the Roo is ripped apart in a death spin

In just three bites he swallows down his din din

By the way my name is Arthur ‘Mongrel’ McKnight

I have a patch over my left eye courtesy of a pub fight

I love living in the Territory with its long Red sunsets

Watching the fishermen cast out their fishing nets

But it is now the start of the wet season

Things are going to get wet which stands to reason

I lay in my bed listening to the rain hit my tin roof

Shit I forgot to close the front window I feel like a

bit of a goof

Christ it is really coming down it is raining Cats and Dogs

Good weather for Ducks and little Green Frogs

In the  morning I wake up and my mobile home is floating

I really do need a Coffee before I go boating

But there is no time to put the kettle on as the landscape

flashes past

I really wish that my mobile home had a sail and a freaking

mast

It is a short trip as I crash into the river bank just before my

home sank

I guess it is god that I really should thank

I inspect the damage and everything looks good

touch wood

What the weather couldn’t do a Crocodile could

Captain Crunch has escaped he is on the loose

Just like the proverbial going through a Goose

Just what the Territory needs a rouge Croc in the

waterways

Just like Steve Irwin and the barb from a Stingray

A deadly combination of bad luck and being in the

wrong place at the wrong time

Like needing a Quarter but all you have is a Dime

A few days later a tourist goes missing just a mile

from my home

All they found was some car keys and a mobile phone

I guess that Captain Crunch has had a snack

That tourist is never coming back

I walk up and down the river bank calling out Captain

Crunches name

I called out for a week but he never came

Then a notice a local boy swimming from one side to the

other

He is trying to reach the safety of his Mother

Then he starts to struggle and I think that he is going to drown

Then I hear an eerie splashing sound

Captain Crunch is heading the boys way like a torpedo

Before I know it I have stripped down to my Speedos

But before I can jump in Captain Crunch has the boy in his jaws

I expect to hear a crunching sound and see some blood and gore

But all Captain Crunch does is carry the boy to the river bank

And then he spits him out onto the dirt

The boy runs away he isn’t even hurt

So Captain Crunch has a soft side who would have thought

that was possible

A Crocodile has just done the impossible

He has just saved a life instead of ending one

Captain Crunch swims past me with a glint in his eye

Jesus did he just give me a wink?

A soft sided Crocodile what will people think?

It turns out that the missing tourist has committed suicide

A note was found at her place

But no trace of her has ever been found

Another person who couldn’t live on the not so merry

go round

Captain Crunch is still out there somewhere

The King of the river the king of the creek

He is wary of the strong but will save the weak

So if you ever visit the Territory keep an eye out for Captain Crunch

But just be careful that he doesn’t have you for lunch

Afew days later

Solitary Confinement ( Losing My Mind )

09 Tuesday Jun 2015

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My name is Anthony “The Butcher” Ironside.

They call ‘The Butcher” because I am handy

with a knife.

I am currently serving a sentence of fifty years

to life

I was Twenty years old when I first discovered that

I liked to cut.

Whenever I went I carried a big sharp blade

If you get on my bad  side

You should be afraid very afraid

I guess I got a bit complacent I got a bit

sloppy

And the Cops caught me trying to kill victim

number ten

Now I am wearing an Orange jumpsuit in the

Big Pen

After a Ten year killing spree

I finally made the FBIs most wanted list

I sit in a cell at San Quentin

I have the locked away Prison Blues

I walk the walk in Prison issue Shoes

I was sent to Solitary Confinement for the first

time about after my arrival

When my cell mate tried to insert his cock between

my Butt cheeks

And I cut it off with my shank

Now he hasn’t got a monkey to spank

For that little over the top Circumcision

I got Thirty days in the hole

In there you lose the touch of your senses

You lose the sense of time

After my release I was sent to the general

population

And I was given a new cell mate

I told him that if he kept his pants on we

will get along fine

Just leave me alone to serve my time

About Six months later I was in the mess hall

having a meal of

Well I am not sure what it is

But I fork it on down

I think I just tasted a piece of meat

Then I look at the opposite seat

Sitting there is a guy of enormous proportions

And he is looking at my meal

He says that he wants a little taste

He is another fool that I have to waste

But then I decide to let him off easy

I will let him keep his life

But he will have to pay a price

His name is Cake and I want to have a slice

I ask him does he want to lose an ear or an eye

He looks at me like I am some crazy mixed up guy

But then I strike and I bite off his right ear

He lets out a scream

And his eyes that I spared are filled with tears

His ear I spit out on the floor

And I am sent to Solitary once more

For sixty days this time

After about Ten days I start to talk to myself

And then someone talks back

The voice in my head is speaking out loud

One voice in a one person crowd

If I spread my arms I can touch the opposite

wall

In my sac my balls start to crawl

It is creepy it is scary  I cant see two feet in front

of my face

I walk back and forth

Short pace short pace short pace

On day thirty I think I am a Bat living in

a cave

My mind goes to a bad place

And starts to misbehave

On day Fifty I am seeing Spiders and Snakes

crawling on the ceiling

My emotional paint is peeling

My mind is warped my Brain has cracked

My wellbeing knows there is no coming back

Day Sixty arrives and the Guard opens the

Solitary confinement door

My Feet are moving but they don’t touch the floor

I am carried out on a Gurney

My functions are barely functioning

What presents did Santa Claus bring?

I have missed Christmas and the start of the new year

But the thing that I miss the most is my freedom

I am out of Solitary but I am still confined

I think that a Zombie has crawled into my mind

One year has gone only Forty Nine more to go

I wander around the exercise yard like the

walking dead

That Zombie is whispering bad things deep

inside my head

I go to the laundry room where I have hidden

my trusty shank

I am going to kill somebody

And you can take that to the Bank

I know that if I take a life I will get the

Electric Chair

Nobody deserves to die but who said that

life was fair

I have already picked my target

A sadistic guard by the name of Hawkins

He is now a dead man walking

Returning to the exercise yard I sneak up

behind him and I slice through his Throat

He goes to the ground

I guess shit doesn’t float

I am now back in Solitary

Waiting for my execution day

My date with the chair

God my Lawyer want appeal will he?

He wouldn’t dare

Keep an Eye out for the next chapter

Solitary Confinement ( A Lonely Life)

like the walking dead