Bertie the Bumble Bee was just flying around

Feeling kind of confused and fuzzy.

He is usually,foot loose and fancy free and

you know buzzy.

He didn’t understand what was happening.

He couldn’t find his way back to the hive.

He is usually home by 3 o’clock

It is now 10 past 5.

Bertie is a worker Bee

His job is to fly from flower to flower

collecting nectar.

He was flying blindly from field to field.

And he flew into the wrong sector.

This sector is owned by a rival hive

Where a bossy Queen is King.

She doesn’t tolerate trespassers.

And order’s her fighter’s to the wing.

Bertie is still flying blindly and doesn’t

realise that he is in a whole lot of trouble.

The fighter Bee’s are gaining,they will get

to him on the double.

They catch Bertie on the border,of the two

hive’s.

Bertie see’s them at the last second

and duck’s and dive’s.

Just then Bertie get’s lucky,and a breeze blow’s him

South East.

He has just escaped from the belly of the beast.

If he had been caught,he would have been torn apart

Wing by wing,limb by limb.

Till they finally tore out his heart.

Bertie’s other sense’s are working fine.

and he get’s a smell of home.

And he skid’s to a stop.

At the hive of the Honey comb.

Bertie rush’s to the bathroom

and put’s some drop’s in his eye’s.

His vision is a little better.

Next morning he is back to the skie’s.

Early in the morning Bertie is ready for

take off.

He feel’s a little off colour,sneezing

with a dry little cough.

He is flying to his favourite field

full of clover wet the bed’s and thistle.

His throat is so dry he cant even whistle.

His vision is also going.

everything is becoming unfocused and blurry

And he fly’s straight into something furry.

He has flown into a Koala who was minding

his own business munching on some leave’s.

Bertie has flown into a Marsupial fifty feet up

a Eucalyptus tree.

Bertie isn’t feeling too good

but the smell of Eucalyptus is clearing out his

nostril’s.

It goes further down and clean’s his tonsil’s.

Feeling a whole lot better Bertie is back on

the job filling his nectar sac’s.

But what Bertie doesn’t know is that he is

about to hell and back.

With his nectar sac’s over filled

and his vision not the best.

Bertie get’s a bad rap.

And fly’s straight into a Venus Fly trap.

Bertie know’s that he is in trouble,and he cant

stop himself from going down.

His nectar sac’s keep Bertie afloat,so he doesn’t

drown.

Betie know’s that there is no escape from this

watery grave.

His frantic struggle’s are creating little wave’s.

But they are enough to engulf Bertie and he goes

under.

Just then a sound fill’s the air,sounding like

buzzing and thunder.

Bertie’s hive mate’s have come to his rescue

Yellow and black stripe’s,ten thousand strong.

They land on the edge of the trap

singing their rescue song.

We are Bee’s ,we believe,so beware,we Bee’s

will leave you bewildered.

Bertie heard his favourite song.

And his heart skipped a beat.

If he could of he would have jumped to his feet.

A guide rope was lowered,andd Bertie take’s a hold.

He is hoisted to the surface,a little wet

and a little cold.

They arrive back at the hive an army of Bee’s

celebrating a job well done.

They had an adventure,and rescued their favourite

son.

A few day’s later Bertie is feeling a whole lot better.

He is busy as a Bee can be,can be.

He is feeling the Bee’s knee’s.

Now he wear’s tiny glass’s

Kick’s tiny arse’s

Goes to swimming class’s

And flirt’s with anything that pass’s.

This is a story about a week I had a couple

of week’s back.

I t started bad,then got worse.

Saturday night,just sitting on the lounge

enjoying a beer or two.

When itsy bitsy Spider walked on by.

I tried to kill it ,but it moved to fast.

About ten minute’s later,I am just sitting

there enjoying my music.

When I felt something moving in my short’s.

I felt a bite,and I nearly died of fright.

My right thigh hurt,and started to burn.

The Spider took off and tried to get away.

I said to myself ‘Okay Spider,now it is my turn.’

I picked up a shoe and chased the Spider up the

hallway.

A little brown thing,the Spider ran as fast as eight little

leg’s can go.

I caught up and said ‘right,come here you little so and so.’

Down came my shoe,and smashed the you know who.

Eight leg’s in the air,that Spider wa’nt going anywhere.

Now I have a mighty big red itchy rash.

T mark the occasion.

Sunday was good,went for a long walk,just chilled out.

Monday morning.off to work,another great day going very

fast(rapid) haha.

I finish work and go to my car,turn the key.

All I get is click,click,click.

Great a flat battery.

I put up the hood,fiddled with the battery connection

trying to look like I know what I am doing.

A few guy’s from work come along and ask ‘Do you

need a jump start ‘Sure’ I reply.

So the cable’s are connected,but no go.

Just click,click,click.

So Scott get’s out his heavy duty cable’s.

Connect’s them to my engine,and Vroom,my car start’s,

and purr’s like a kitten.

I drop the hood,thank the guy’s for their help.

And drive out of the carpark.

I drive for a few kilometre’s,and I come to the big

roundsbout at Warner’s Bay.

Without as much as a warning,my car just stop’s.

Right in the middle of the roundabout.

I couldn’t believe it,peak hour traffic.

And I am sitting there like a stunned Mullet.

For some reason my car was stuck in park,so I

couldn’t even push my car out of the way.

I rang for a tow truck,he told me ‘half an hour.’

I said ‘what? Are coming from the moon.’.

He said that he couldn’t get there any sooner.

So I was sitting there,car horn’s blaring,driver’s

hurling abuse.

I was frantically trying to get the stick out of park,

but it was no use.

Thank God,the Cop’s are here,and with the help of

some bystander’s.

They yank the stick into neutral.

They push the car to the side of the road,and I wait

for the tow truck.

I am calming down,thinking that the worst was over.

But there was more to come.

How could I be so dumb?

The tow truck driver tells me the cost for the tow is $99.

I tell him that I am only going around the corner,to the

mechanic’s.

So it cost me $99 for a two hundred meter tow.

When we arrive at the mechanic’s.

I open my wallet and lo and behold,no credit card or

money.

So I say a few word’s that would make the devil blush.

Trying to think of a way to pay.

The guy behind the counter,say’s that he will pay for the

tow,and I can pay him back when I pay for the new battery.

I thought,Thank Christ for that,but then I think,how am I

going to get home?

So I leave my car there,and start walking home home.

About two hour’s later,in the stinking heat,i finally

arrive home at 6pm,and I collapse on the lounge.

I pick up my car the next afternoon,and all is well.

Or so I thought.

A couple of hour’s after I get home.

I turn on the oven to heat it up.

A few minute’s later,there is an almighty bang.

I jumped about five feet in the air.

And land on my darey air.

Wondering what the fuck is going on.

I walk into the kitchen,open the oven door.

Black smoke start’s pouring out.

Then the smoke alarm’s start going off.

I open the door’s and window’s,and the smoke

start’s to disperse.

I just stand there stunned,mumbling a mouthful

of curse’s

I run a bath,and I just lay there for 20 minute’s.

I can feel my blood pressure going back to normal.

I just soak the worry’s away.

But then I think.

The Spider,my car,the oven.

Am I under some kind of hex.

And I cant help,but think, What Next?