‘Where in the fuck is the old fool, he should have been here an hour ago.’
38 year old Edgar Perkins the works manager at Grantchester meat works located in the northern tablelands, NSW, Australia is a bit peeved to say the least.
It is 42 degrees celsius on Friday afternoon and all Edgar wants to do is go to the pub and sink a few beers, have a flutter on the horses and maybe chat up Sally behind the bar but instead he is stuck at work at 4.30 waiting on a delivery of pigs.
A Yarrowitch local Edgar is built like a rugby front rower with a face bent out of shape from packing into far too many scrums but looks can be deceiving because Ed is as gentle as a lamb except if you get on his bad side because he will quickly put you back into your place or flat on your back if the need arises.
The frustrated slaughterman lights a cigarette as he paces around the holding yard but his mood brightens when he hears the sound of Mac’s old truck entering the meatworks.
‘Sorry Edgar but a had a hell of a time loading the truck this afternoon the damn pigs got spooked by a huge black bush pig that has been hanging around my place so in the end I had to sedate the animal and it took three people to drag it onto the truck and Edgar I don’t mean to be dramatic but this pig is one mean fucker so be careful when the sedative wears off because it has a pair of cutters that could inflict huge damage.’
Edgar doesn’t normally slaughter wild boars because of government health regulations but the meat would keep his dogs fed for over a week ‘I need to separate your pigs from the boar Mac so once we unload yours drive your truck around back and I will put the boar in its own pen.’
‘Will do Ed and I wasn’t joking about that bush pig he is a mean one so lets be careful okay?’
Around town the pair are known as Laurel and Hardy because while Mac is short and thin with brown wispy hair who usually wears a suit even though he owns a farm and his knee deep in shit most of the time while Edgar has always been big for his age and likes to take charge which causes people to label him a hot head but nothing could be further from the truth because deep down he is a big softie who would do anything to help someone in need.
After opening the tailgate twenty pigs happily trot out into a holding pen not knowing that their time on earth will come to an end.
In the back of the truck a huge black pig full of ticks is quietly snoring with his head resting on his front legs ‘
What are you worried about Mac mister ham hock here looks as gentle as a new born lamb.’
‘Don’t be fooled Ed that pig is crazier than a cut snake so put a bullet in his head while he is sedated than we can drag him out.’ Mister ham hock as you call him is the meanest critter to ever walk on earth and that includes the huge croc’s up north.’
‘Okay settle down Mac, now go drive us around back while I stay here and keep an eye on bacon boy.’
As the truck bounces along the gravel road the bush pig is shaken awake but the wily beast pretends to be still asleep just waiting for the right time to attack and rip the two humans into shreds.
When Mac returns he notices that Ed is crouching mighty close to the pig ‘Stand back Ed and go get your gun and put a bullet in the fuckers head before he wakes up and realizes that he is about to be smoked pickled and sent on a one way trip to sausage town.’
‘Don’t be such a pussy Mac while bacon boy is still dreaming about getting it on with miss piggy I want to check out his cutters.’
Edgar is a great mate and a pillar of the community but he isn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed so he completely ignores his friends advice and creeps even closer to the bad tempered porker ‘I have been slaughtering pigs for over twenty years Mac so i know what I am doing but to put your mind at ease I will bleed him out before taking his cutters.’
When he hears the knife being removed from the sheath the pig knows that it is in eminent danger so with lightening speed he explodes into action.
Edgar manages to dodge out of the way but old Mac isn’t so sorry and he is quickly brought down when a cutter slices through the back of his leg but the pig isn’t finished with him yet.
It charges and rips Mac open from groin and stomach causing his entrails to spill onto the straw floor than to Edgar’s horror the pig begins to eat his friend alive gorging on the blood and human meat.
Mac screams for help but Edgar knows that there is little that he can do to save him, so he darts forward and plunged his knife into the belly of the beast but the pig didn’t even flinch instead it continued to gobble down huge chunks of flesh like it was dining at an all you can eat buffet.
By this stage Edgar was in a complete panic not knowing what to ‘God how could I have been so stupid? Mac warned me over and over how dangerous this pig was but instead I acted a fool and now my friend is dead.’
Edgar shakes his head to help him concentrate, he grabs his mobile phone from his shirt pocket to ring 000 but it slips from his grasp and lands with a thud which causes the pig to look over with cold black eyes than to Edgars disbelief it lowers its head and charges like a bull in the ring.
Edgar turns to run but he to is brought down but somehow he manages to hold the pigs head with his left hand but the pig quickly swivels and chopped down on his fingers severing four only leaving the thumb intact.
‘Jesus lord have mercy’ Edgar screams and thankfully this distracts the pig giving Edgar an opportunity to scramble away and for some unknown reason the pig instead of resuming the attack trots to the back of the truck down the ramp and makes its way towards the Gummel Gulf National Park.
Edgar can do nothing but wrap his injured hand with his shirt and ring the cops on his phone which he quickly located.
As he told the operator about his emergency Edgar stared at the pig running as fast as his little trotters would take him.
When it reached the edge of the scrub the pig turned back and porker and human looked at each other for a few seconds before the pig disappeared into the bush.
This bush pig now has the taste for human flesh and he likes it.
Hunting humans is about to become a blood sport.
THE END.
Part Two coming soon.
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