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Tag Archives: cereal

Cereal Killer ( Part Three )

26 Saturday Nov 2016

Posted by stevenjohnno in poems, stories

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Tags

cereal, hippo, killer, nile river, quick sand, south africa

Cereal can kill you in so many different way.

So be careful out there.

I am going away on my annual vacation next week

And i am a bit worried.

How am i going to survive overseas without my favourite

breakfast cereal?

I am sure that they wont sell weet bix in South Africa.

So what is a man to do?

Become a cereal smuggler of course.

On the morning of my flight i wake up early to prepare.

I slash the lining of my suitcase with a stanley knife.

And i place twenty four weet bix into the space.

And for good measure i tape another twenty four to my chest.

I am as nervous as a kitten when i arrive at the airport.

Than i realise that customs will be looking for contraband coming

in not going out.

Not that weet bix is contraband.

But it is addictive.

I arrive in South Africa after a long sixteen hour flight.

The plane lands with a thud and we all disembark.

I fill out the form stating that i am bringing no food into the country.

After all weet bix is really a food it is part of my existance.

The South African customs officer looks at me like i am Ted Bundy.

He searches my luggage like i am a drug smuggler.

But i am not smuggling drugs just fibre and a whole lot of goodness.

Surely customs will understand?

I breathe a sigh of relief when my passport is stamped.

And i wheel my trolley out of the terminal.

I cant wait to see the great outdoors and go on safari.

But i am really hanging for a taste.

It has been eighteen hours since i had my breakfast.

I really need a weet bix fix.

As soon as i reach my motel room i race to the bar fridge and

grab a bottle of milk.

I pour some over four weet bix and i immediately start to relax.

My heart beat returns to a normal rhythm.

Now that i have had my medicine i can start being a regular

tourist.

After a few hours sleep and a quick shower i am ready to join my tour

group.

Before i head downstairs i grab my wallet sunglasses and my backpack.

Which i fill with a bottle of water and sixteen weet bix.

Because you never know.

I meet my travelling companions downstairs and we all climb aboard

our tour bus.

Let the adventure begin.

We are on our way to kruger national park.

Where we can get nice and close to the local wildlife.

And we aren’t disappointed.

We soon see a pride of lions buffalo and wilderbeest.

A family of giraffe eat from the top branches of a tree.

And we see a herd of elephant in a waterhole.

I reach into my backpack and chew on a tasty weet bix.

After a week of sightseeing and stocking up on souviners

My supply of weet bix is getting mighty low.

I only have four left.

I will have to search the local markets for a worthy substitute.

After searching high and low i come across a wheat biscuit in a

supermarket.

Flakes of wheat compressed into a shape similar to a bar of soap.

I take the wheat biscuits back to my room

But what do i eat first?

Do i consume my last remaining weet bix?

Or try the local variety?

I decide to meet my needs with the local product.

I open the box of wheat biscuits and put them in a bowl with some milk.

And do you know what? They aren’t half bad.

The local supplier has come through i want have withdrawals after all.

I was worried about night sweats and going cold turkey.

But these wheat biscuits will do just fine.

In the morning i wake up to a brand new day.

The sun is shining and i am feeling good.

What sort of adventure will i have today?

I eat my four remaining weet bix and race downstairs.

I say hello to the tour group and we are on our way.

Today i think that we are going canoeing on the nile river.

Hopefully i will see some hippo.

Sometimes you shouldn’t wish too hard because it might just come true.

After about an hour the tour guide yells at me to watch out.

I look behind me and see a huge hippo charging my canoe.

He attacks my canoe tearing it in half and throwing me into the water.

When i come back to the surface all i can see is my supply of wheat biscuits

floating all around me.

But i am worried about the hippo coming coming back.

As i have a look all around me i notice that the wheat biscuits are starting to

break down and turn gluggy.

I try to swim to the shore but the water isn’t water anymore.

Those wheat biscuits have turned the water into quick sand.

I kick and fight with all of my might.

But it is no use.

I soon start to tire with only my nose above the surface.

I have a last breath than i am swallowed on down.

Those damn wheat biscuits were the devil in disguise.

In the back of my mind i knew there was something about them.

They didn’t taste quite right.

And i have paid the ultimate price.

Hopefully you can all make it to my funeral.

Goodbye.

I have become the latest victim of a silent epidemic.

So keep your wits about you and be careful with what you eat

Because there is a killer out there.

A evil cunning cereal killer.

Thanks for taking the time to read one of my stories and now could you please make a donation to help me reach my goal of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

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Cereal Killer

07 Wednesday Jan 2015

Posted by stevenjohnno in poems, stories, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

cereal, killer

There is a monster out there

The press have dubbed the’Cereal Killer’.

There are no half measure’s with this

sadistic killer.

He is all killer,no filler.

He really likes the roughage.

He get’s off on the fibre.

Don’t start me on the Riboflavin,

the Niacin and Folate.

He wander’s the Cereal aisle in your

supermarket,looking for his weapon

of choice.

He pick’s up box after box checking it’s

balance and weight.

This is one man you would love to hate.

He first came to the attention of the Police.

When a guy stumbled out into the street

In a whole lot of pain,he said he was attacked

by a Nutri-Grain.

He said it was like being hit by a freight train.

You don’t mess with the Nutri-Grain.

A while later a guy told the cop’s,that when he

was walking home last night,he was attacked

from behind by something that looked like a

Corn Flake.

To escape,he took a flying leap into the lake.

Their is nothing more dangerous then a soggy

Corn Flake.

Swim as fast as you can for heaven’s sake.

The next day a woman was mugged by a Shredded

Wheet.

Looking mean and nasty and packing heat.

She was left naked and bleeding out in the street.

By something you wouldn’t want to meet.

A mean mother fucking Shredded Wheet.

One of the more dangerous cereal’s is the Vita Brit.

If it hit’s you,you know you have been hit.

It’s like a 100kg piece of shit.

There is nothing meaner then a Vita-Brit.

He might look happy,but look’s can be deceiving.

I am talking about round little cereal,the Cheerio’s.

Who’s weapon of choice is a rubber hose.

You will bleed all over the place,from your Toe’s

up to your Nose.

You have been taken down by the funny little Cheerio’s.

Another cereal to get the Cop’s attention.

Is the sweet little morsel called the Honey Puff.

He doesn’t know the meaning of enough is enough.

He mightn’t look like it,but he is mighty tough.

He will do you in that sweet little morsel the Honey

Puff.

The Cop’s haven’t got a clue how to catch this cereal

menace.

So far there have been no death’s.

But it is only a matter of time.

The Cop’s look at the back of cereal pack’s looking

for a clue.

This cereal menace is coming

.

The Cop’s didn’t have to wait long before it changed from

a menace into a killer.

When a body was found in a meat chiller.

The forensic people arrive at the scene.

And they say that it look’s like the work of a

Weet-Bix..

He had wound’s you could never fix.

The people at the scene have to cover their nose’s

with Vick’s..

Nothing smell’s nastier then the victim of the Weet- Bix.

The Cop’s were frantic,they had to catch this Cereal Killer.

Before he added to his body count.

They staked out the cereal aisle,looking for a cereal with

an evil smile.

The next victim was found in an alley.

He looked like he had been shot.

But after an autopsy.

They realised they were dealing with a Cocoa Pop.

By the state of the body,that Cocoa Pop really went

to town.

Maybe he will never be found.

There is nothing more dangerous then a Chocolate

covered Rice Bubble.

He will cause you pain and a whole lot of trouble.

The Cop’s get a break at the next murder scene.

Where a body of a man was found.

By the look’s of thing’s he was taken out by a Just

Right.

There were no defence wound’s.

So he didn’t get a chance to fight.

But the Just Right has left his print’s at the scene.

The Cop’s arrive at his house,with some Donut’s

and a battering ram.

The Just Right doesn’t go down easy.

He put’s up an almighty fight,he struggle’s,bite’s

and kick’s.

He give’s the Cop’s the fight of their live’s.

But he know’s he isn’t getting out of this alive.

He fought with all his might.

That cereal called the Just Right.

So the next time you have a bowl of cereal.

Just take a little time to think.

Just add sugar and milk.

And it will go down as smooth as Silk.

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